It's beyond time for me to get back to the basics. My basics. The part where I actually care about what I like, enjoy, am passionate about, you know, the part about ME.
As previously documented, 2015 was not a very good year for me. It was pretty ridiculous actually. It was a gosh-damn-friggin trap of a year. I can't seem to let it go! Want to know what the result is?? RIDICULOUS amounts of angst, anger and anxiety! Paralyzing amounts of anxiety! Never, not once in my life, have I ever been anxious. Until the day I thought I was reverting back to my pre-teen years, and having a blasted asthma attack. Nope. No asthma attack, just pure ridiculous, chest crushing, breath taking, flippin' anxiety. WTF?! Not ok. Simply put, I friggin' refuse! I know 2015 stunk, but I am not going to allow myself to be a victim! Nope! I have fought against that mentality MY WHOLE DAMN life, and it sure as shit isn't happening now!
Not happening!
SO, I came up with a plan of attack. I'm going to figure this out. I realized, probably a few years too late, that I am really good at the whole self sabotaging thing. Damn! So much for mental toughness. This is one of my biggest weaknesses. After being told for most of your life, you aren't good enough, you start to believe it, despite all those around cheering you on. Well, damn you! I am good enough! I deserve peace. Peace of mind, soul, and spirit. And damn you, I will have it! I have spent a majority of my life taking care of everyone else, now I will take care of myself. I want it! I earned it! I deserve it! I am going to!
Well, I thought I was going to. Damnit, I underestimated how hard it is to get someone else's voice out of my head. Make no mistake, I will figure it out. I have a plan :) I am going to start with mental and physical fitness. Then I will tackle those life long passions & dreams.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Sunday, September 20, 2015
2015
Dear 2015,
You SUCK!
That pretty much sums it up. 2 words. IT SUCKS.
Ya'll want to know why?? I don't think I could write it all in one blog. Heartbreak, lifestyle change, one of my worst fears coming to fruition, changing jobs (both of us), confusion on a level I haven't known since high school, soul searching, confusion, hitting my knees in prayer like I haven't in YEARS .... you get the idea, no need to drag it out. 2015, eeww!
So, I'm going to start with one of my biggest fears and earth shattering heartbreak. This blog, and probably the ones following, will not be in any chronological order, but they will be in order of importance, to me, in 2015.
I guess, in many ways, I have been fortunate. I have been to dozens of funerals, held my husband while he cried, while my mother-in-law cried, while sister's heart was broken at the loss of her dear friend. I, on the other hand, never in my adult hood experienced, real, heart wrenching, kick you in the gut, loss. This year made up for it, in spades! This year, I lost my back up, my backbone, the only person ever to teach me compassion, the person whom I simply adored, and loved with my entire soul.
I lost my Mamaw.
I know, everyone loses a grandparent, everyone loves their grandparents. I am not simply throwing myself a pity party (and oh how I wish I could), but I want to. Heaven knows, I want to. But, she would kick my ass. Tell me life moves on. Tell me to grieve, hurt, cry, and put myself back together, and get on with it.
And that, my friends is the damnedest part of it. I can't. Never, not one time on my life, have I felt like this. The hurt, confusion, heart break. I have heard people use the term, "my world stopped spinning". That doesn't seem appropriate for me in this situation, because e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. stopped moving, my whole world, the axis it was spinning on, and the deep breaths I used to be able to take.
Let's just say it was a culmination. Let's say my family situation is MESSED up. Let's just leave the how,why and nonsense, at that. I will not dilute this post with drama and the ridiculousness, and absolute disrespect that surrounded my Mamaw the months prior to her death. I WON'T. She deserves a hell of alot better.
So, I will say this .My sister and I were able to see her, hug her, talk to her. I was able to give her a hug and a kiss. I told her I loved her. I looked into her eyes and saw that was enough. You see, I spent the better part of my twenties and early thirties taking care of her. I hate calling it that. She never let anyone "take care of her". I spent nights sleeping in her hospital room when she was sick, when she had strokes. I took her to the doctor's appointments, took care of everything medicare related, took care of her prescriptions, coordinated home health care, special equipment she needed to regain independence. We went to flea markets, consignment shops, a Dime store that she loved, Kroger and anywhere else she felt drawn to. That all sounds horrifically self involved. Yuck! I am not asking for sympathy. I would do it all over again. EVERY single thing, I would do over again. It wasn't easy, but I didn't care. she gave me so much more. That woman gave me the entire world.
I did not grow up in a perfect world. It was far from it. But she was adamant that I have a shot, a real chance, to grow up in this world, and chase my stars. She was my friend, my heart, my saving grace. She was the 1st person I called when I found out I got a scholarship to college. I had to walk to a pay phone, because our home phone was cut off, because of non payment. (Yes, I suppose I am that old.) I called her, she cried. I graduated high school, and was so excited about my meager savings account. I managed to scrape enough money into that account, despite paying bills that weren't mine, to pay for my books. The day I graduated high school, she handed me $500. I knew she didn't have $500 to spare, and I refused. You have to know Mamaw, because once she had her mind set on something, there was no changing it. She looked at me put the money in my hand, and told me to "change the world, or at least somebody's world". There was pride on her face, and tears in my eyes. The single person, on this planet who, at that time, understood, ME, who I was, and what I wanted. And good Lord, how I miss her.
She held me when I cried, put my confidence back together when it was shattered, celebrated every single time I called her with good news, and was one of the few people who never, not even one time, doubted me. She was the 1st person I wanted to tell, when I got engaged, but, she already knew ( my husband does have his moments). She was the 1st person I told when I was pregnant, every. single. time. She held me and let me cry, like I was a 12 year old, with both miscarriages .She cried and let me cry until I thought I had nothing left. She looked me straight in the eye, and told me "Don't worry. Nothing worth having comes easy." She told me to keep my faith, hang on, and that she loved me. And that, alone put her in a special category, she loved ME. Real, unconditional love. She was also quick to tell me when I was being a stubborn ass. Those stories are mine, and hers.
If she had been honored, remembered and respected the way she should have, I like to think, maybe, this would have been easier to handle. But, it wasn't. She meant so much more, than the way she was treated, tossed aside. I suppose there will always be some anger there, about that. A hell of alot of anger. There will be no closure for me, no healing. It will remain a huge, gaping, jagged rip in my heart and soul. I have to figure out how to make it a part of me, accept it. I have to see through anger, and remember. Remember her.
So, I guess, my heart will always hurt, I will never take a deep breath the same way, and the world will seem a little darker. I am ok with that, because I know, without a doubt, she is finally, comfortable, and finally for the 1st time in years, enjoying peace. I didn't have the honor of writing her memorial, but if I did, it would go something like this....
In memoriam of Anna Rae Looney,
You SUCK!
That pretty much sums it up. 2 words. IT SUCKS.
Ya'll want to know why?? I don't think I could write it all in one blog. Heartbreak, lifestyle change, one of my worst fears coming to fruition, changing jobs (both of us), confusion on a level I haven't known since high school, soul searching, confusion, hitting my knees in prayer like I haven't in YEARS .... you get the idea, no need to drag it out. 2015, eeww!
So, I'm going to start with one of my biggest fears and earth shattering heartbreak. This blog, and probably the ones following, will not be in any chronological order, but they will be in order of importance, to me, in 2015.
I guess, in many ways, I have been fortunate. I have been to dozens of funerals, held my husband while he cried, while my mother-in-law cried, while sister's heart was broken at the loss of her dear friend. I, on the other hand, never in my adult hood experienced, real, heart wrenching, kick you in the gut, loss. This year made up for it, in spades! This year, I lost my back up, my backbone, the only person ever to teach me compassion, the person whom I simply adored, and loved with my entire soul.
I lost my Mamaw.
I know, everyone loses a grandparent, everyone loves their grandparents. I am not simply throwing myself a pity party (and oh how I wish I could), but I want to. Heaven knows, I want to. But, she would kick my ass. Tell me life moves on. Tell me to grieve, hurt, cry, and put myself back together, and get on with it.
And that, my friends is the damnedest part of it. I can't. Never, not one time on my life, have I felt like this. The hurt, confusion, heart break. I have heard people use the term, "my world stopped spinning". That doesn't seem appropriate for me in this situation, because e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. stopped moving, my whole world, the axis it was spinning on, and the deep breaths I used to be able to take.
Let's just say it was a culmination. Let's say my family situation is MESSED up. Let's just leave the how,why and nonsense, at that. I will not dilute this post with drama and the ridiculousness, and absolute disrespect that surrounded my Mamaw the months prior to her death. I WON'T. She deserves a hell of alot better.
So, I will say this .My sister and I were able to see her, hug her, talk to her. I was able to give her a hug and a kiss. I told her I loved her. I looked into her eyes and saw that was enough. You see, I spent the better part of my twenties and early thirties taking care of her. I hate calling it that. She never let anyone "take care of her". I spent nights sleeping in her hospital room when she was sick, when she had strokes. I took her to the doctor's appointments, took care of everything medicare related, took care of her prescriptions, coordinated home health care, special equipment she needed to regain independence. We went to flea markets, consignment shops, a Dime store that she loved, Kroger and anywhere else she felt drawn to. That all sounds horrifically self involved. Yuck! I am not asking for sympathy. I would do it all over again. EVERY single thing, I would do over again. It wasn't easy, but I didn't care. she gave me so much more. That woman gave me the entire world.
I did not grow up in a perfect world. It was far from it. But she was adamant that I have a shot, a real chance, to grow up in this world, and chase my stars. She was my friend, my heart, my saving grace. She was the 1st person I called when I found out I got a scholarship to college. I had to walk to a pay phone, because our home phone was cut off, because of non payment. (Yes, I suppose I am that old.) I called her, she cried. I graduated high school, and was so excited about my meager savings account. I managed to scrape enough money into that account, despite paying bills that weren't mine, to pay for my books. The day I graduated high school, she handed me $500. I knew she didn't have $500 to spare, and I refused. You have to know Mamaw, because once she had her mind set on something, there was no changing it. She looked at me put the money in my hand, and told me to "change the world, or at least somebody's world". There was pride on her face, and tears in my eyes. The single person, on this planet who, at that time, understood, ME, who I was, and what I wanted. And good Lord, how I miss her.
She held me when I cried, put my confidence back together when it was shattered, celebrated every single time I called her with good news, and was one of the few people who never, not even one time, doubted me. She was the 1st person I wanted to tell, when I got engaged, but, she already knew ( my husband does have his moments). She was the 1st person I told when I was pregnant, every. single. time. She held me and let me cry, like I was a 12 year old, with both miscarriages .She cried and let me cry until I thought I had nothing left. She looked me straight in the eye, and told me "Don't worry. Nothing worth having comes easy." She told me to keep my faith, hang on, and that she loved me. And that, alone put her in a special category, she loved ME. Real, unconditional love. She was also quick to tell me when I was being a stubborn ass. Those stories are mine, and hers.
If she had been honored, remembered and respected the way she should have, I like to think, maybe, this would have been easier to handle. But, it wasn't. She meant so much more, than the way she was treated, tossed aside. I suppose there will always be some anger there, about that. A hell of alot of anger. There will be no closure for me, no healing. It will remain a huge, gaping, jagged rip in my heart and soul. I have to figure out how to make it a part of me, accept it. I have to see through anger, and remember. Remember her.
So, I guess, my heart will always hurt, I will never take a deep breath the same way, and the world will seem a little darker. I am ok with that, because I know, without a doubt, she is finally, comfortable, and finally for the 1st time in years, enjoying peace. I didn't have the honor of writing her memorial, but if I did, it would go something like this....
In memoriam of Anna Rae Looney,
Loved my everyone who knew her.
When you lose the single most influential person in your
life, there are no words that can describe the pain of your world screeching to
a halt. Or the stabbing, painful shards of glass ripping at the inside of your chest, in that spot where your heart used to be.
So instead, I chose words of hope.
Maw,
Maw,
I hope I can be the person you want me to be. I hope I can
teach my girls half of the lessons you taught me. I hope I can teach them what
it means to be a good person. I hope I can teach them grace, compassion and
dignity, the way you embodied it. I want them to have faith, the way you never hesitated, never doubted it. I hope I can exude faith in my girls, the way
you never doubted me. I hope to have the bond with my girls, that I had with
you. I hope I can raise them to be strong, confident women, by the example you
set. I hope they never forget how to make mud pies, play in the sprinkler, jump
in mud puddles in the rain, play in the creek or walk in the woods. I hope I
can teach them where I came from, because it’s part of who they are. I hope
they call me when they are devastated, or when they experience tremendous joy,
like the million phone calls I made to you. I hope I can teach them to stand up
to injustice, the way you taught me. I hope I can instill the survival
instincts you insisted I have. I can
only hope to one day embody the strength, resilience and feistiness you
exhibited. I hope to make my home
inviting to everyone who enters, because there was never a stranger at your
kitchen table.
I hope to be half the person you are.
I hope you know you are forever loved. I hope you know your legacy will live, every
single day, in all of us. I hope you know you influenced all of us, an entire
generation.
I want to thank you, for the hugs, laughter, understanding, acceptance, and never ending
love that touched everyone you met.
Rest easy. Hug papaw
for us. You are my favorite “Hey Maw!!!”, and forever, my hardest goodbye.
“None knew thee but to love thee”
#Resteasy #finallyatpeace #myheart
#heavenonlyknowshowmuchyouaremissed
#mysavinggrace #reallifehero #ALWAYS
Forever and Always,
Paige Ann
Good Lord, how I miss her, every.single.solitary.day
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Brace yourselves!
I'm back!
I neglected this blog for far too long, for so many more reasons than I can explain in one post.
So.....
fastforward and pretend this information has been disseminated through the past year.
Audrey started kindergarten. That's right, my sweet girl is roaming the halls of an elementary school, all by herself, apparently very successfully.
Liv is almost 4. As of October 28th, I will have the most strong willed 4 year old on the planet. At least it feels that way. Interesting tidbit...she suffers from every allergic enviornmental factor in our state.
I walked away from a very lucrative career. And it saved my relationships with my family, and more than likely my marriage.
I lost the single most influential, amazing, person in my life this year.
So, in a nutshell, 2015 has been the year of changes for the Moreland family.
I have every intention of updating this blog weekly from this point. For myself, and for healing.
Read if you are interested, but if not, that's ok. One of the lessons I have learned this year, is to start doing more things for myself; so now, I write!
I neglected this blog for far too long, for so many more reasons than I can explain in one post.
So.....
fastforward and pretend this information has been disseminated through the past year.
Audrey started kindergarten. That's right, my sweet girl is roaming the halls of an elementary school, all by herself, apparently very successfully.
Liv is almost 4. As of October 28th, I will have the most strong willed 4 year old on the planet. At least it feels that way. Interesting tidbit...she suffers from every allergic enviornmental factor in our state.
I walked away from a very lucrative career. And it saved my relationships with my family, and more than likely my marriage.
I lost the single most influential, amazing, person in my life this year.
So, in a nutshell, 2015 has been the year of changes for the Moreland family.
I have every intention of updating this blog weekly from this point. For myself, and for healing.
Read if you are interested, but if not, that's ok. One of the lessons I have learned this year, is to start doing more things for myself; so now, I write!
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Habitual neglect
Has it really been six months since I updated this blog?!? GEEZ! Time flies!!
So much has happened in the past 6 months....
We are nearing Audrey's 3rd birthday, and we have decided to scale back a little on the "party". It was not an easy decision, we have are dealing with alot right now, and on top of that Audrey is having some type of stress/anxiety issue lately, so we felt it best to keep things simple. She has transitioned to the 3/4 year old room, started having bad dreams, and having drastic emotional reactions to the simplest things. I am not naive enough to think that all of these things are "real issues", I know some of them are attention grabbers, and limit testing. I can tell she is just being over the top when I tell her I can't understand her when she acts like a baby, and she immediately changes her actions.
But sometimes I think she really can't process whatever emotion she may be feeling. I called our pediatrician when I realized she was having the bad dreams more frequently. He knows her personality pretty well, so I felt comfortable talking to him about it. Audrey is a great sleeper....so when she kept waking up, I knew something was up.
His opinion : Her little imagination is running wild, and she is having trouble processing. Basically...she is thinking alot, and having trouble turning her brain off, which translates into kiddie stress. Poor kid, she inherited that from her momma! Add that to transitioning at daycare, seeing Olivia occupy 70% of my time, and general 3 year old development...She is just having a hard time.. That's the only way to say it.
We have started ignoring the whining & any and all tantrums. We have switched some things up at home, so I spend more one on one time with her, and I have started implementing "big girl time" where we do crafts, art, play, and on occasion paint our toenails or something similar. It seems to be helping, but we still have bad days.
I love our pediatrician..seriously love him. He took 20 minutes out of his day to personally talk to me about Audrey instead of having a a nurse call me back, because he knows me & he knew how worried I was.
So....anyway, we are cooking out for Audrey's birthday. Of course her family is coming over, I will decorate, there will be cake and balloons, but I just want her to have fun and PLAY!!!! The following weekend is Easter and we always go out of town, so we will be taking cupcakes up there to celebrate with them, so she will still spend time with everyone.
Overall, the girls get along great. Audrey is very compassionate with Olivia. She is constantly trying to teach her something, "no Livi, that 's not buppy, his name is Mickey". She is the 1st to let me know when Olivia is crying or upset. She will get her the sippy cup.When Olivia is tired, Audrey will take her blanket to her, she even tries to teach her the rules. "No Livi, we can't touch that". If they are separated for any reason, Olivia constantly asks for "Audie", and every morning when Audrey walks downstairs, Olivia screams, yes, screams "Audie!!" She adores her big sister and wants to do everything Audrey does.
Current life status : Our "babies" are one and a half, and three. Our nephews are two and a half and six months. Time seriouslly needs to stand still!! & we will be havina neice in July! That's alot of kiddos running around :)
So much has happened in the past 6 months....
- Christmas came and went...The girls absolutely had a blast! Audrey started figuring out the whole Santa thing, and they both LOVED getting gifts. I think Olivia loved ripping the paper more than the gifts, but it was fun anyway! Audrey still asks when Christmas is coming back, and why it has to be over. She also LOVES snow! Every time it snowed this year, we had to take her out to play.
- I am 80% sure we are going to have to do some sort of speech therapy with Olivia. She does say some words very clearly, and she associates words with objects, but she has a hard time overall.
- Olivia never sits still!! This kid goes full speed, non stop every minute she is awake.
- Olivia is the epitome of a momma's girl. If she isn't with me, she is walking around the house yelling, "Mooommmmma" I don't mind, but I am trying to make her a little less dependent, so it doesn't turn into a socialization problem for her
- I am absolutely in awe of how different the personalities of these two are. I mean DIFFERENT! Audrey was a great baby; Olivia required more attention. I never had to tell Audrey "no" repeatedly, she would test her limits, and learn them quickly; Olivia just laughs and tests limits endlessly!!
- Audrey is currently in the full blown princess phase, (I hope it's just a phase anyway). I don't really mind the princess stuff, I just want to keep it at pretend play, and limit any "princess" attitude, which is proving difficult right now..
We are nearing Audrey's 3rd birthday, and we have decided to scale back a little on the "party". It was not an easy decision, we have are dealing with alot right now, and on top of that Audrey is having some type of stress/anxiety issue lately, so we felt it best to keep things simple. She has transitioned to the 3/4 year old room, started having bad dreams, and having drastic emotional reactions to the simplest things. I am not naive enough to think that all of these things are "real issues", I know some of them are attention grabbers, and limit testing. I can tell she is just being over the top when I tell her I can't understand her when she acts like a baby, and she immediately changes her actions.
But sometimes I think she really can't process whatever emotion she may be feeling. I called our pediatrician when I realized she was having the bad dreams more frequently. He knows her personality pretty well, so I felt comfortable talking to him about it. Audrey is a great sleeper....so when she kept waking up, I knew something was up.
His opinion : Her little imagination is running wild, and she is having trouble processing. Basically...she is thinking alot, and having trouble turning her brain off, which translates into kiddie stress. Poor kid, she inherited that from her momma! Add that to transitioning at daycare, seeing Olivia occupy 70% of my time, and general 3 year old development...She is just having a hard time.. That's the only way to say it.
We have started ignoring the whining & any and all tantrums. We have switched some things up at home, so I spend more one on one time with her, and I have started implementing "big girl time" where we do crafts, art, play, and on occasion paint our toenails or something similar. It seems to be helping, but we still have bad days.
I love our pediatrician..seriously love him. He took 20 minutes out of his day to personally talk to me about Audrey instead of having a a nurse call me back, because he knows me & he knew how worried I was.
So....anyway, we are cooking out for Audrey's birthday. Of course her family is coming over, I will decorate, there will be cake and balloons, but I just want her to have fun and PLAY!!!! The following weekend is Easter and we always go out of town, so we will be taking cupcakes up there to celebrate with them, so she will still spend time with everyone.
Overall, the girls get along great. Audrey is very compassionate with Olivia. She is constantly trying to teach her something, "no Livi, that 's not buppy, his name is Mickey". She is the 1st to let me know when Olivia is crying or upset. She will get her the sippy cup.When Olivia is tired, Audrey will take her blanket to her, she even tries to teach her the rules. "No Livi, we can't touch that". If they are separated for any reason, Olivia constantly asks for "Audie", and every morning when Audrey walks downstairs, Olivia screams, yes, screams "Audie!!" She adores her big sister and wants to do everything Audrey does.
Current life status : Our "babies" are one and a half, and three. Our nephews are two and a half and six months. Time seriouslly needs to stand still!! & we will be havina neice in July! That's alot of kiddos running around :)
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Olivia is ONE
*Forgotten post*
Ok, so I *may* have neglected this blog a little too much, but our lives are slightly chaotic ;)
Anyway... Our sweet little Olivia will turning ONE on Sunday!! ONE!! As in she has been here with us an entire year, 365 days! What?!?!?! How can that be?? It quite literally seems like I was in the hospital giving birth YESTERDAY! ....but I am digressing..
The plan for this blog started out as a catch up on our life with 2 kids under 2 and a half, but I have had a ridiculously emotional week, dealing with Olivia turning ONE! So let's start there...
Anyone who knows us, knows our kids, especially Olivia, have been plagued with ear infections! Well, not much has changed, except we are on a 2 week stretch with Olivia not having one! ( I am almost afraid to type that sentence!) She is oh, so happy when she is ear infection free, so I am hoping this "stretch" lasts a long time. Our sweet little Lou ( trying to stop using that nickname, but it's so dang hard!) still sleeps with us more often, than not. She has been eating better recently, most likely due to healthy ears, but I will take what I can get! She uses a few words consistently, but not clearly. I am worried that the hearing impairment she suffered from the ear infections is going to have more of a lsting effect than we originally thought, but we will deal with it as we go. She crawls everywhere, pulls up consistently, and stands on her own occassionally, but she isn't walking yet. She LOVES music! She will shake her whole body, and swing her arms like she is dancing whenever music is on. Her favorite toys, are of course musical ones ;) I am the least musically inclined person on the planet, so I am working on how to encourage and develop her love of music. It's going to take some research, but in the mean time her Aunt and Uncle are pretty musically inclined, so we will just take cues from them and our nephew Kayden ;) (Who, by the way, has a new adaorable little brother, Mykah!)
Olivia will be one in exactly 5 days and it is absolutely breaking.my.heart! I was horribly sad when Audrey turned one, and two, but for some reason little Olivia's birthday is hurting my heart in a different way! We have NOT taken #3 off the table, nor have we 100% decided there will be a #3, so I think part of the heartbreak is knowing she may really be "the baby." Meaning, she may be the last baby we have, so naturally she will always be my baby. I think there is a little more to it though. Audrey had ear infections , but she never really "needed" me. Most of the time they did not drastically affect her, and after 2 doses of antibiotic she was good to go! That is not the case with Olivia, she wants her momma when she doesn't feel good, and you can tell she is in pain. I absolutely love and adore both of my girls, do not misunderstand that, but Olivia just needed more from me, and I think that is why turning one, and no longer being a baby is hurting my heart! As I sit here typing, she is literally standing beside me saying"mommommommommom" and holding her arms up for me to hold her...Seriously this kid is too cute not to pick up and cuddle!!!
To put it quite simply, I am just not ready for my baby to be one!
Anyway... Our sweet little Olivia will turning ONE on Sunday!! ONE!! As in she has been here with us an entire year, 365 days! What?!?!?! How can that be?? It quite literally seems like I was in the hospital giving birth YESTERDAY! ....but I am digressing..
The plan for this blog started out as a catch up on our life with 2 kids under 2 and a half, but I have had a ridiculously emotional week, dealing with Olivia turning ONE! So let's start there...
Anyone who knows us, knows our kids, especially Olivia, have been plagued with ear infections! Well, not much has changed, except we are on a 2 week stretch with Olivia not having one! ( I am almost afraid to type that sentence!) She is oh, so happy when she is ear infection free, so I am hoping this "stretch" lasts a long time. Our sweet little Lou ( trying to stop using that nickname, but it's so dang hard!) still sleeps with us more often, than not. She has been eating better recently, most likely due to healthy ears, but I will take what I can get! She uses a few words consistently, but not clearly. I am worried that the hearing impairment she suffered from the ear infections is going to have more of a lsting effect than we originally thought, but we will deal with it as we go. She crawls everywhere, pulls up consistently, and stands on her own occassionally, but she isn't walking yet. She LOVES music! She will shake her whole body, and swing her arms like she is dancing whenever music is on. Her favorite toys, are of course musical ones ;) I am the least musically inclined person on the planet, so I am working on how to encourage and develop her love of music. It's going to take some research, but in the mean time her Aunt and Uncle are pretty musically inclined, so we will just take cues from them and our nephew Kayden ;) (Who, by the way, has a new adaorable little brother, Mykah!)
Olivia will be one in exactly 5 days and it is absolutely breaking.my.heart! I was horribly sad when Audrey turned one, and two, but for some reason little Olivia's birthday is hurting my heart in a different way! We have NOT taken #3 off the table, nor have we 100% decided there will be a #3, so I think part of the heartbreak is knowing she may really be "the baby." Meaning, she may be the last baby we have, so naturally she will always be my baby. I think there is a little more to it though. Audrey had ear infections , but she never really "needed" me. Most of the time they did not drastically affect her, and after 2 doses of antibiotic she was good to go! That is not the case with Olivia, she wants her momma when she doesn't feel good, and you can tell she is in pain. I absolutely love and adore both of my girls, do not misunderstand that, but Olivia just needed more from me, and I think that is why turning one, and no longer being a baby is hurting my heart! As I sit here typing, she is literally standing beside me saying"mommommommommom" and holding her arms up for me to hold her...Seriously this kid is too cute not to pick up and cuddle!!!
To put it quite simply, I am just not ready for my baby to be one!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Our weekend of nothing!
My mind has been constantly running at full speed for what feels like forever!! Livi is constantly (or so it seems) fighting an ear infection. As a result, her sleep pattern is anything but regular. So, add that to chasing a two and a half year old, deciding if I should apply for a promotion, nonsense with my mother (I use the term loosely), and Livi's upcoming pediatric opthomologist appointment, and the grand result is a super stressed, very very tired momma also fighting off a ragweed attack!!
So, this weekend...we did nothing! I mean absolutely nothing! I took a nap with Livi twice, played outside with Audrey, played with Livi, taught Audrey to use cookie cutters with her playdoh, spent some time with our sweet new nephew, and just took time to breathe. Don't misunderstand me, I cooked and cleaned, picked up toys and did laundry, but only the necessities. I will probably pay for that later in the week, with a double load of household work, but that's ok.
It was nice to turn my brain off, if only for a few hours. Livi popped up with another da*n ear infection this weekend, so it wasn't quite as relaxing as I had hoped, but, that's all part of being a momma ;) I wouldn't trade it for anything!!
It was so nice to just be able to really spend time with the girls ; not while running errands, cleaning the house, or doing other "stuff". They will be grown before I know it, and I will cherish every moment I can with them! I just hope those moments are plentiful!
We are both so caught up in being good parents. and making sure our girls are taken care of that sometimes we forget about the "Husband/Wife" part.`With two kids so close in age, it leaves very little time for me to spend with the husband. I haven't done a very good job with realizing this until recently. He NEVER complains, but honestly, it's no fun. He understands that I am a momma 1st and our girls need me now, and he is just fantastic with them! We have several people we trust as babysitters, but we usually use them for "need/have to" situations, which doesn't help us relax or have a date night. It's a sacrifice we are both aware of, but hope it gets easier soon. I am not completely comfortable leaving either of the girls when they are sick or don't feel good, so in essence I put that limit on my self. But as I said, we had 2 kids very close in age, and I don't want to be the mom who "pawns" her kids off. Something will have to give soon though! I miss spending time with Jeremy, so we will figure it out....We always do ;)
So, this weekend...we did nothing! I mean absolutely nothing! I took a nap with Livi twice, played outside with Audrey, played with Livi, taught Audrey to use cookie cutters with her playdoh, spent some time with our sweet new nephew, and just took time to breathe. Don't misunderstand me, I cooked and cleaned, picked up toys and did laundry, but only the necessities. I will probably pay for that later in the week, with a double load of household work, but that's ok.
It was nice to turn my brain off, if only for a few hours. Livi popped up with another da*n ear infection this weekend, so it wasn't quite as relaxing as I had hoped, but, that's all part of being a momma ;) I wouldn't trade it for anything!!
It was so nice to just be able to really spend time with the girls ; not while running errands, cleaning the house, or doing other "stuff". They will be grown before I know it, and I will cherish every moment I can with them! I just hope those moments are plentiful!
We are both so caught up in being good parents. and making sure our girls are taken care of that sometimes we forget about the "Husband/Wife" part.`With two kids so close in age, it leaves very little time for me to spend with the husband. I haven't done a very good job with realizing this until recently. He NEVER complains, but honestly, it's no fun. He understands that I am a momma 1st and our girls need me now, and he is just fantastic with them! We have several people we trust as babysitters, but we usually use them for "need/have to" situations, which doesn't help us relax or have a date night. It's a sacrifice we are both aware of, but hope it gets easier soon. I am not completely comfortable leaving either of the girls when they are sick or don't feel good, so in essence I put that limit on my self. But as I said, we had 2 kids very close in age, and I don't want to be the mom who "pawns" her kids off. Something will have to give soon though! I miss spending time with Jeremy, so we will figure it out....We always do ;)
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Catching up...
I have missed so many things I intended to blog about.....Livi got her ear tubes but still has some hearing difficulty that we are watching, I was offered a promotion (twice) at work, Audrey is learning something new everyday and acting more and more like a little girl, Livi is crawling, we had hardwood floor put in the entire 1st floor of the house, I reconnected with some family members that I lost contact with years ago, we just found out Livi may need surgery on her eye.....Need I go on??
As you can see...things have been a little crazy around here!! Most days that is an understatement....I actually started this post on August 2nd..I am finishing on August 29th. See what I mean ?!?
So here's a short catch up....
Livi started crawling 4 weeks ago, and she is off and exploring. She is all smiles 90% of the time, and she has such a wonderful little gummy smile. We can see the beginnings of her 1st tooth coming through, so it looks like she will have them by the 10 month mark...I CANNOT believe my baby is already 9 months old!! At her check up she weighed in at 19 pounds! I think this little stinker is going to be a bit bigger than her little sister, probably by design, just in case she needs to defend herself (and I am sure she will!!) This little girl is such a sneak! She will creep around whatever Audrey is playing with and snatch it, crawl away and laugh..I am sure there is more of that in my future ;) She isn't sleeping in her room yet, but she is finally starting to sleep better so I am hoping to transition her soon. I love cuddling with my little girl, but it would be nice for the husband and I to have our bed back, and be able to get a good night sleep without waking up with a toe in my eye and her head in his armpit, or vice versa. But, babies are only babies for a little while, so I am soaking it up with my lil' pumpkin! Who knows how long it will be before I get to cuddle this much again, right?!?
Audrey, well, she is a mess! She is constantly learning something new, and amazing us with how quickly she problem solves and puts things together. Today she came home from daycare and said
"Mother (yes she said, mother) can we go to the zoo and see the tigers?" After I replied that we may do that later, since we have been recently, she said"That's ok we can just go to the park". Wow! She can identify several letters, and gets her numbers in order most of the time. She can count objects up to three at this point, so we are working on both. She is just a little sponge soaking up everything she can. She speaks well for her age, so I am told. She acts so much older than 2, it is hard for me to remember that she is a toddler and I think I expect too much, so I am working on that!
Part II
As I finish this blog post, 27 days after I started it, I can report that Livi has 2 new bottom teeth, is picking up different sounds, and I am pretty sure she is trying to say "dog", which comes out "gog". We have also fought an ear infection since I started this post. Fun times. She is starting to pull up on the furniture, the leg of my pants, the pack-n-play, and anything she can get her hands on. Last night she "walked" behind her activity table as it slid from the couch to the entertainement center. I am on borrowed time with this one ;) She will be off and running in no time.
I worried for a long time, about "being enough mom" for both girls. So many thoughts ran through my head "Can you really love any other baby like you love Audrey?, Are you really going to be able to divide your time with 2 kids so close in age?? Are you going to be able to give them all the love they need?" etc. etc. etc. These thoughts plagued my mind; revolving door stlye. I realized recently, though that God designed a momma's heart to hold so much more love than I thought was possible. The amount of love I have for my girls is overwhelming sometimes, but always wonderful! These girls were "wonderfully and fearfully" made and entrusted to me for a reason. We consider Audrey our miracle, and Livi our blessing...My girls not only have my heart, they are my heart!
I am signing off tonight, with a promise to myself to update this blog more often. I hope it will serve as a journal of sorts for my girls. I have to do better recording memories and their life as they grow up.....which will happen way too fast I'm sure!!
As you can see...things have been a little crazy around here!! Most days that is an understatement....I actually started this post on August 2nd..I am finishing on August 29th. See what I mean ?!?
So here's a short catch up....
Livi started crawling 4 weeks ago, and she is off and exploring. She is all smiles 90% of the time, and she has such a wonderful little gummy smile. We can see the beginnings of her 1st tooth coming through, so it looks like she will have them by the 10 month mark...I CANNOT believe my baby is already 9 months old!! At her check up she weighed in at 19 pounds! I think this little stinker is going to be a bit bigger than her little sister, probably by design, just in case she needs to defend herself (and I am sure she will!!) This little girl is such a sneak! She will creep around whatever Audrey is playing with and snatch it, crawl away and laugh..I am sure there is more of that in my future ;) She isn't sleeping in her room yet, but she is finally starting to sleep better so I am hoping to transition her soon. I love cuddling with my little girl, but it would be nice for the husband and I to have our bed back, and be able to get a good night sleep without waking up with a toe in my eye and her head in his armpit, or vice versa. But, babies are only babies for a little while, so I am soaking it up with my lil' pumpkin! Who knows how long it will be before I get to cuddle this much again, right?!?
Audrey, well, she is a mess! She is constantly learning something new, and amazing us with how quickly she problem solves and puts things together. Today she came home from daycare and said
"Mother (yes she said, mother) can we go to the zoo and see the tigers?" After I replied that we may do that later, since we have been recently, she said"That's ok we can just go to the park". Wow! She can identify several letters, and gets her numbers in order most of the time. She can count objects up to three at this point, so we are working on both. She is just a little sponge soaking up everything she can. She speaks well for her age, so I am told. She acts so much older than 2, it is hard for me to remember that she is a toddler and I think I expect too much, so I am working on that!
Part II
As I finish this blog post, 27 days after I started it, I can report that Livi has 2 new bottom teeth, is picking up different sounds, and I am pretty sure she is trying to say "dog", which comes out "gog". We have also fought an ear infection since I started this post. Fun times. She is starting to pull up on the furniture, the leg of my pants, the pack-n-play, and anything she can get her hands on. Last night she "walked" behind her activity table as it slid from the couch to the entertainement center. I am on borrowed time with this one ;) She will be off and running in no time.
I worried for a long time, about "being enough mom" for both girls. So many thoughts ran through my head "Can you really love any other baby like you love Audrey?, Are you really going to be able to divide your time with 2 kids so close in age?? Are you going to be able to give them all the love they need?" etc. etc. etc. These thoughts plagued my mind; revolving door stlye. I realized recently, though that God designed a momma's heart to hold so much more love than I thought was possible. The amount of love I have for my girls is overwhelming sometimes, but always wonderful! These girls were "wonderfully and fearfully" made and entrusted to me for a reason. We consider Audrey our miracle, and Livi our blessing...My girls not only have my heart, they are my heart!
I am signing off tonight, with a promise to myself to update this blog more often. I hope it will serve as a journal of sorts for my girls. I have to do better recording memories and their life as they grow up.....which will happen way too fast I'm sure!!
Friday, April 13, 2012
Incessant blogging...
I know I have bombarded this blog with posts lately, but I feel the extreme urge to catch up ;)
Livi, or Livi Louie as Audrey calls her, is almost 6 months old! Oh my goodness, where does the time go??
I can't believe it! She is something, this one! She is sitting up on her own, holding her own bottle and almost rolling over. She doesn't really seem interested in trying to roll over most of the time, so I am trying to "work" with her on it. She just honestly doesn't seem to care if she rolls over. I am ok with that since she is on target with everything else. She is starting to discover her "voice", and has almost given me a heart attack several times with a random squeal.. but it's quite adorable.
Sleep...well that's another story. She is not a natural born sleeper, like Audrey is, so that has been somewhat of a challenge. I think we have figured it out though. She has to have HER blankets, one side is silk/satin, the other a soft chenille (?). She has one that is just her blankie, the other is a full size blanket. Before we figured this out, sleeping was non existent. All of it wasn't her fault, she is a GASSY baby, and man, does she spit up! She could " easily win a baby toots competition", yes, that is a direct quote from our pediatrician.
We sit her upright for a minimum of 20 minutes after she eats and that alone has helped tremendously! She is not a "fussy" baby, she is just a little more particular than Audrey was. She has been consistently sleeping a solid 6 or 7 hours for almost a week now, so I consider that progress!
I am adamant that each of my girls be treated equally, but maintain their own unique personalities. We had a stumbling block earlier this month with our infant daycare teacher. She has really had a hard time differentiating between the two kids. She was absolutely marvelous with Audrey, but she wanted to treat Livi exactly the same way she did Audrey. Well, that is a problem. Livi requires a little more attention and "work" than Audrey ever did. Livi has to have her blankets, has to be sat up after feeding, doesn't like to be rocked, doesn't like to be swaddled and burps and spits up constantly. Not recognizing these differences was making them both miserable. Jeremy and I both made trips down in the middle of the day to show Debbie how to handle Livi, and give her some pointers. This week was much better for the both of them!!
I cannot believe I will start making her baby food in less than 3 weeks. After her appointment the 1st week of May, I expect our pediatrician to give the go-ahead on real food!! EEK! It kind of worries me, especially with the gassiness...I guess we shall see how it works out!!
Livi, or Livi Louie as Audrey calls her, is almost 6 months old! Oh my goodness, where does the time go??
I can't believe it! She is something, this one! She is sitting up on her own, holding her own bottle and almost rolling over. She doesn't really seem interested in trying to roll over most of the time, so I am trying to "work" with her on it. She just honestly doesn't seem to care if she rolls over. I am ok with that since she is on target with everything else. She is starting to discover her "voice", and has almost given me a heart attack several times with a random squeal.. but it's quite adorable.
Sleep...well that's another story. She is not a natural born sleeper, like Audrey is, so that has been somewhat of a challenge. I think we have figured it out though. She has to have HER blankets, one side is silk/satin, the other a soft chenille (?). She has one that is just her blankie, the other is a full size blanket. Before we figured this out, sleeping was non existent. All of it wasn't her fault, she is a GASSY baby, and man, does she spit up! She could " easily win a baby toots competition", yes, that is a direct quote from our pediatrician.
We sit her upright for a minimum of 20 minutes after she eats and that alone has helped tremendously! She is not a "fussy" baby, she is just a little more particular than Audrey was. She has been consistently sleeping a solid 6 or 7 hours for almost a week now, so I consider that progress!
I am adamant that each of my girls be treated equally, but maintain their own unique personalities. We had a stumbling block earlier this month with our infant daycare teacher. She has really had a hard time differentiating between the two kids. She was absolutely marvelous with Audrey, but she wanted to treat Livi exactly the same way she did Audrey. Well, that is a problem. Livi requires a little more attention and "work" than Audrey ever did. Livi has to have her blankets, has to be sat up after feeding, doesn't like to be rocked, doesn't like to be swaddled and burps and spits up constantly. Not recognizing these differences was making them both miserable. Jeremy and I both made trips down in the middle of the day to show Debbie how to handle Livi, and give her some pointers. This week was much better for the both of them!!
I cannot believe I will start making her baby food in less than 3 weeks. After her appointment the 1st week of May, I expect our pediatrician to give the go-ahead on real food!! EEK! It kind of worries me, especially with the gassiness...I guess we shall see how it works out!!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
2 year check up and catch up....
So, as I have always said..Audrey's a little petite! She is in the 18th percentile in height and head circumference, and 38th percentile in weight. But she is very healthy. "Perfectly" healthy, and still ahead of the curve for a 2 year old. Her vocabulary is quite extensive for a 2 year old, the pediatrician was pretty impressed. She only had one shot today, and this time Jeremy took her. It's the 1st appointment I have missed, but I have missed several days of work since coming back from maternity leave, to take care of whoever is sick, so he volunteered. Thank goodness! He experienced first hand, the heart break of watching a kid get shots. No fun!!
There is pretty much nothing Audrey can't do. And there is nothing she will not attempt to do herself! Her favorite phrase, besides "no", is "I can do it!" I hear that in my sleep. We have actually altered our morning routine and I get up 20 minutes earlier to deal with and combat the "independence". Sheesh...I guess it's my fault! I always said I wanted her to be independent...Wish granted!
She is 90% potty trained only having the occasional accident. I can handle that. We are still using pull ups at night, but I hope to stop that relatively soon.
We are tweaking the discipline process right now. I REFUSE to spank at this age. I don't think it's constructive for anyone, and I will not compromise my relationship with my daughter, so that leaves time out and redirection. We honestly have not done a very good job being consistent, so that is changing immediately. 2 warnings, then timeout. No negotiating or excuses, no matter where we are. That's a struggle for us in certain situations, but it is in her best interest, and we are both committed to it. As I am typing this I realized that it sounds like we have to discipline Audrey all the time, which is not true. We rarely have to use any form of discipline, a simple "No" or "Stop" usually works. She has her bad days like every other kid, when we have to use time out ALOT, but those days are few and far between. I refuse to let her think bad behavior is acceptable, regardless of the situation. (teething, etc) I think this one is harder for Jeremy because she is a daddy's girl. I don't want to impede that relationship at all, but I don't want to be the only disciplinarian, so we have come to a happy compromise.
We shall see how it goes ;)
There is pretty much nothing Audrey can't do. And there is nothing she will not attempt to do herself! Her favorite phrase, besides "no", is "I can do it!" I hear that in my sleep. We have actually altered our morning routine and I get up 20 minutes earlier to deal with and combat the "independence". Sheesh...I guess it's my fault! I always said I wanted her to be independent...Wish granted!
She is 90% potty trained only having the occasional accident. I can handle that. We are still using pull ups at night, but I hope to stop that relatively soon.
We are tweaking the discipline process right now. I REFUSE to spank at this age. I don't think it's constructive for anyone, and I will not compromise my relationship with my daughter, so that leaves time out and redirection. We honestly have not done a very good job being consistent, so that is changing immediately. 2 warnings, then timeout. No negotiating or excuses, no matter where we are. That's a struggle for us in certain situations, but it is in her best interest, and we are both committed to it. As I am typing this I realized that it sounds like we have to discipline Audrey all the time, which is not true. We rarely have to use any form of discipline, a simple "No" or "Stop" usually works. She has her bad days like every other kid, when we have to use time out ALOT, but those days are few and far between. I refuse to let her think bad behavior is acceptable, regardless of the situation. (teething, etc) I think this one is harder for Jeremy because she is a daddy's girl. I don't want to impede that relationship at all, but I don't want to be the only disciplinarian, so we have come to a happy compromise.
We shall see how it goes ;)
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Easter pics!
She LOVES her "baby Livi"
My big girl!
She is such a daddy's girl!! They are off to hunt eggs ;)
And she is soooo excited about it!!
The other man in her life, her Grampa!
Apparently jelly beans are really exciting! She ate some for the 1st time today, and LOVED them!
My baby's 1st Easter!
Watching morning cartoons with Daddy!
Lovely girl!
'My 1st Easter!!!
Easter
We had such a good time today! We went to Jeremy's grandmother's house and Audrey had an absolute BLAST!! I will not lie, I was a little worried. Audrey is cutting 2 year molars, had no nap, and Livi is just her own little person. She does not like to be rocked to sleep. She prefers to lay down and put herself to sleep, but she has to have HER blankets. Don't get me wrong, she is happy 99% of the time, but there are those 1% days...and they are rough. BUT....today was fantastic. Audrey played with the bigger kids at Granny's, which was so bittersweet. I can't believe she is big enough to "play" with the bigger kids. She has been a little clingly to me lately, but after about half an hour at Granny's she was off and running. Livi did wonderful, considering so many people held her and played with her. She has to have her time to decompress, but the truck ride home seemed to decompress her just fine. Oh what a great day!! Today was probably the first time in 2 weeks that neither one of them was fussy!! I cannot express the joy I feel on days like today! It makes "fussy" days worth every single second! Livi even let me rock her for 10 whole minutes tonight! SCORE!!!
My ever so happy baby girl (yes, she is sitting up on her own now)!!! Audrey absolutely ADORES Livi..She is a great big sister!
I LOVE this face....She usually does it when she is about to be a little mischevious!
She was so EXCITED to hunt eggs! I think we are entering a new chapter with Audrey. She is exploring the world, and I am loving every minute of it! She is becoming quite independent, which is what I always wanted for her.....but it is so hard as a momma. Jeremy's cousin put it in great perspective today (shout out to Farrah)...She called me a "helicopter momma", as she is one too... We hoover! Hahaha! I guess I need to let my little girl grow as a person and let her explore...look at the smile on her face..What choice do I have?? ;)
P.S.....We have adoption on the brain!!!!
Happy 1st Easter!!
P.S.....We have adoption on the brain!!!!
Saturday, March 24, 2012
My Audrey is 2!!
Audrey turned 2 yesterday & we had her birthday party today. It's crazy, but I am sad that she is growing up!! As I sit here thinking about it, I realize I should be careful what I wish for!
Last night, on her 2nd birthday, I was watching her sleep, wishing she was a baby again, instead of the "oh so independent" toddler she is quickly becoming. I longed to rock her to sleep, cuddle with her, or just feed her like I did when she was a baby. Oh how I miss that!!!! I am sure I always will....absolutely positive, actually! Don't get me wrong...I am so so proud of the independent little personality she is becoming. She always wants to do things herself, but in the words of her daycare teacher, she is "a very compassionate soul", and always wants to make others feel better. For example, yesterday I smashed my toe on the couch, and muffled several cuss words, she immediately ran over and put her hand on my back and said "momma, what's wrong?? It hurt?? I help you??" Immediately my heart melted! She has such a sweetness about her! But...Sometimes her independence is EXTREMELY hard to deal with as a momma, (seperate blog) but I always said, I want my girls to be independent...careful what you wish for, because this one, is INDPENDENT!!
Today, as the people who love her dearly, gathered to celebrate her turning 2, my girl decided to be crazily clingly to her momma. If you know my girl, you know this is NOT her!! She is never clingly! Warning sirens went off in my head... Later, in the middle of her party, we discovered that she has an ear infection. Nice! Well, I immediately felt like a horse's ass, and gave her medicine, but it was too late. She was unhappy and everyone knew it. For a fleeting moment, I felt bad for everyone sitting here, wanting to see the happy little, outgoing girl she is 99% of the time. Then, I was over it. My girl was upset, in pain, feeling awful, and wanted her momma! Well, she got her momma. Don't get me wrong, there were definitley some temper tantrums involved, that we WILL deal with going forward, but today...she was in a room of people in her territory, in pain, and uncomfortable. I was so sad for her. I know she loves to have fun, but unfortunatley today wasn't up for it today. I think I held her for 5 solid hours! Fortunately, everyone here understood. I mean, they have kids too. How could you not be empathetic??
She simmered down enought to open her gifts, after a dose of Tylenol. I think her favorite gifts came from Manda, Nana,Jennifer and Courtney. Now she gets to play basketball (Thanks Manda) , and play with her babydoll in a stroller &swing/high chair (Thanks Jennifer and Nana) while wearing cute shoes (Thanks Courtney). The best of all worlds as a girl!!
All in all ,I wanted my baby girl to need her Momma less than one day ago, but I never wanted her to be ill, and not enjoy her 2nd birthday. I really hope she gets better quickly and is finished with these blasted ear infections. I want my happy girl back...the heck with what I miss/want!!!
As we were winding down for the night, I was feeding Livi, and Daddy was going to put Audrey down, she ran up to me, threw her arms around my neck, squeezed oh so tight and said "I wuv you momma!". And that alone, made EVERYTHING worth it!!!
Oh my sweet girl...You are more loved than you know & understand and that will NEVER change!!
Last night, on her 2nd birthday, I was watching her sleep, wishing she was a baby again, instead of the "oh so independent" toddler she is quickly becoming. I longed to rock her to sleep, cuddle with her, or just feed her like I did when she was a baby. Oh how I miss that!!!! I am sure I always will....absolutely positive, actually! Don't get me wrong...I am so so proud of the independent little personality she is becoming. She always wants to do things herself, but in the words of her daycare teacher, she is "a very compassionate soul", and always wants to make others feel better. For example, yesterday I smashed my toe on the couch, and muffled several cuss words, she immediately ran over and put her hand on my back and said "momma, what's wrong?? It hurt?? I help you??" Immediately my heart melted! She has such a sweetness about her! But...Sometimes her independence is EXTREMELY hard to deal with as a momma, (seperate blog) but I always said, I want my girls to be independent...careful what you wish for, because this one, is INDPENDENT!!
Today, as the people who love her dearly, gathered to celebrate her turning 2, my girl decided to be crazily clingly to her momma. If you know my girl, you know this is NOT her!! She is never clingly! Warning sirens went off in my head... Later, in the middle of her party, we discovered that she has an ear infection. Nice! Well, I immediately felt like a horse's ass, and gave her medicine, but it was too late. She was unhappy and everyone knew it. For a fleeting moment, I felt bad for everyone sitting here, wanting to see the happy little, outgoing girl she is 99% of the time. Then, I was over it. My girl was upset, in pain, feeling awful, and wanted her momma! Well, she got her momma. Don't get me wrong, there were definitley some temper tantrums involved, that we WILL deal with going forward, but today...she was in a room of people in her territory, in pain, and uncomfortable. I was so sad for her. I know she loves to have fun, but unfortunatley today wasn't up for it today. I think I held her for 5 solid hours! Fortunately, everyone here understood. I mean, they have kids too. How could you not be empathetic??
She simmered down enought to open her gifts, after a dose of Tylenol. I think her favorite gifts came from Manda, Nana,Jennifer and Courtney. Now she gets to play basketball (Thanks Manda) , and play with her babydoll in a stroller &swing/high chair (Thanks Jennifer and Nana) while wearing cute shoes (Thanks Courtney). The best of all worlds as a girl!!
All in all ,I wanted my baby girl to need her Momma less than one day ago, but I never wanted her to be ill, and not enjoy her 2nd birthday. I really hope she gets better quickly and is finished with these blasted ear infections. I want my happy girl back...the heck with what I miss/want!!!
As we were winding down for the night, I was feeding Livi, and Daddy was going to put Audrey down, she ran up to me, threw her arms around my neck, squeezed oh so tight and said "I wuv you momma!". And that alone, made EVERYTHING worth it!!!
Oh my sweet girl...You are more loved than you know & understand and that will NEVER change!!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Potty Training....Kind of
Wow!
Potty training!
I cannot believe we are at that point. Where has the time gone?? My baby is almost 2...Craziness!!
I think we started potty training a little too early for Audrey. Her whole world changed when we brough Livi home, and I think I pushed her a little too fast. It's also hard to be very consistent with it when we aren't home or she's at daycare, so I did a little re-evaluating.
She has been telling us when she needs a diaper for quite a while now, and could identify the "poo" urge.
I wanted to wait until we brought Livi home and let her adjust to that before I started the potty training. I still don't think I timed it just right judging by some of her reactions
She has no problem "pee-pee"in the potty, but has been terrified to "poo" in the potty. I mean TERRIFIED. She will scream bloody murder and flip out when I try to put her on the potty when she has to "poo". She loves to flush the potty so I know she is not afraid of the noise, or anything like that. So I just stopped trying. We let her "pee-pee" when ever she told us she had to go potty, but I quit asking if she had to poop. I decided it was best to let her lead the way, after all it was about her comfort level, not mine.
AND this morning, she casually looked at me and said "potty, Mommy". Ok, let's go. I put her on the potty, she looked up and said "poopy". I braced for the meltdown......it didn't happen. My big girl FINALLY went poo in the potty!! I went a little crazy with the praising and excitement, but hey, I am one step closer to only having one kid in diapers. I bought a Pez dispenser today, hoping to keep encouraging her. She gets to flip the head up on her Pez and take a candy only when she potties. I hope this is just going to reinforce the behavior, and encourage the potty training. I am so ready to be DONE with diapers.
She's a pretty bright little girl, so let's hope we get this potty training thing under control.
Potty training!
I cannot believe we are at that point. Where has the time gone?? My baby is almost 2...Craziness!!
I think we started potty training a little too early for Audrey. Her whole world changed when we brough Livi home, and I think I pushed her a little too fast. It's also hard to be very consistent with it when we aren't home or she's at daycare, so I did a little re-evaluating.
She has been telling us when she needs a diaper for quite a while now, and could identify the "poo" urge.
I wanted to wait until we brought Livi home and let her adjust to that before I started the potty training. I still don't think I timed it just right judging by some of her reactions
She has no problem "pee-pee"in the potty, but has been terrified to "poo" in the potty. I mean TERRIFIED. She will scream bloody murder and flip out when I try to put her on the potty when she has to "poo". She loves to flush the potty so I know she is not afraid of the noise, or anything like that. So I just stopped trying. We let her "pee-pee" when ever she told us she had to go potty, but I quit asking if she had to poop. I decided it was best to let her lead the way, after all it was about her comfort level, not mine.
AND this morning, she casually looked at me and said "potty, Mommy". Ok, let's go. I put her on the potty, she looked up and said "poopy". I braced for the meltdown......it didn't happen. My big girl FINALLY went poo in the potty!! I went a little crazy with the praising and excitement, but hey, I am one step closer to only having one kid in diapers. I bought a Pez dispenser today, hoping to keep encouraging her. She gets to flip the head up on her Pez and take a candy only when she potties. I hope this is just going to reinforce the behavior, and encourage the potty training. I am so ready to be DONE with diapers.
She's a pretty bright little girl, so let's hope we get this potty training thing under control.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Petrified!!
I can honestly say, with 2 kids I have been concerned, have fretted, but NEVER have I been petrified, until last Thursday.
My lovely little lady, Olivia was diagnosed with RSV, after being in daycare a total of 6 days, my happy little girl was coughing so hard, her whole body shook. PETRIFIED!
I left work early last Thursday and met Jeremy and Liv (my nickname for her) at the pediatrician's office. I knew something wasn't right, call it mommy's intuition, and made the appointment earlier in the day. I was hoping it would be one of those appointment's where our pediatrician told me I was just being paranoid, but I had that itchy momma feeling that something was up. After the nurse shoved what looked like a 8 inch cotton swab up my sweet girl's nose, the pediatrician came into the room and told us little Livi had RSV. I immediately felt my chest constrict in panic. She was way too little for this diagnosis, and my brain went into overdrive. Almost immediately I recalled that RSV results in a high percentage of pneumonia diagnosis, and my eyes welled up with tears. The pediatrician was quick to tell me there was nothing I could have done to prevent it, and it would be ok, but I thought differently. Maybe , just maybe, if I had taken another 2 weeks off work, and she was 3 months old before she went to daycare, or maybe if I was still breast feeding, it would not be a problem. He quickly dispelled both notions, but non the less,I melted down in racking sobs as soon as we got home. Livi is not a good breast feeder, and it just did not work for her like it did Audrey, so I gave it up thinking it was best for her, now I second guessed myself. She was not gaining weight because of her jaudice, and our pediatrician recommended supplementing. Fine with me. I did it. Then I tried pumping, feeding her with a bottle, etc. It was not going well and he recommended 75% formula to ensure she would catch up on her growth. I followed direction. Have you ever tried to pump breast milk with a 20 month old running around?? Well, it's not easy! Eventually, we decided it best just to put Livi on formula. I really thought it would benefit both kids.... after contemplating it for days. Meaning, I would be able to give Audrey the attention she needed from me, as well as making sure Livi was getting her nutritional needs, and growing appropriately.
After the RSV diagnosis, I was second guessing myself in a huge way. Of course, Jeremy was quick to dispell my paranoia, and point out how well Livi was doing, and how well Audrey was adjusting, but I was petrified. Audrey NEVER had any serious illness, other than ear infections. Was this my fault?? Was I sacrificing Livi's health just to make sure I was there for Audrey?? P.A.R.A.N.O.I.A
I literally, did not let happy little Liv out of arm's reach for the next 2 days. I slept with my hand on her chest to make sure she wasn't wheezing. Well, I don't think you could call it sleeping...I laid with my hand on her chest, watching her sleep, just in case she started wheezing. My boss was extremely understanding, and had no problem letting me take Friday off (Thank goodness)
I trekked back to the MD office Friday, they completed a "deep suction", to pull all the goo out of her chest, and he told me the next 24 hours would be critical. Thank the good Lord above, she turned the corner, and was on the mend by Saturday evening! Those 2 days were 2 of the worst I have ever experienced. Her little body was racked with coughing, and sneezing. Literally. Her entire body would convulse when she coughed, and I had no choice but to use a nasal aspirator every 2 hours to make sure she was able to breathe comfortably. Thankfully, by Sunday we noticed a drastic improvement with her condition, and my mother-in-law was able to keep her Monday for us. I was no where near ready to send her to daycare. I am so fortunate she is so flexible, and understanding!! She kind of adores her grandbabies too, so I knew the next best set of hands, other than mine, belonged to her. She would not hesitate to call Jeremy or I, if she thought Livi was in any kind if distress, which was a huge comfort to me.
Today, Tuesday, she seems like her normal happy little self!! Thank God! Maybe we can both get some sleep tonight ;) For now, I am trying not to be ridiculously paranoid and over protective....We shall see how that goes ;)
My lovely little lady, Olivia was diagnosed with RSV, after being in daycare a total of 6 days, my happy little girl was coughing so hard, her whole body shook. PETRIFIED!
I left work early last Thursday and met Jeremy and Liv (my nickname for her) at the pediatrician's office. I knew something wasn't right, call it mommy's intuition, and made the appointment earlier in the day. I was hoping it would be one of those appointment's where our pediatrician told me I was just being paranoid, but I had that itchy momma feeling that something was up. After the nurse shoved what looked like a 8 inch cotton swab up my sweet girl's nose, the pediatrician came into the room and told us little Livi had RSV. I immediately felt my chest constrict in panic. She was way too little for this diagnosis, and my brain went into overdrive. Almost immediately I recalled that RSV results in a high percentage of pneumonia diagnosis, and my eyes welled up with tears. The pediatrician was quick to tell me there was nothing I could have done to prevent it, and it would be ok, but I thought differently. Maybe , just maybe, if I had taken another 2 weeks off work, and she was 3 months old before she went to daycare, or maybe if I was still breast feeding, it would not be a problem. He quickly dispelled both notions, but non the less,I melted down in racking sobs as soon as we got home. Livi is not a good breast feeder, and it just did not work for her like it did Audrey, so I gave it up thinking it was best for her, now I second guessed myself. She was not gaining weight because of her jaudice, and our pediatrician recommended supplementing. Fine with me. I did it. Then I tried pumping, feeding her with a bottle, etc. It was not going well and he recommended 75% formula to ensure she would catch up on her growth. I followed direction. Have you ever tried to pump breast milk with a 20 month old running around?? Well, it's not easy! Eventually, we decided it best just to put Livi on formula. I really thought it would benefit both kids.... after contemplating it for days. Meaning, I would be able to give Audrey the attention she needed from me, as well as making sure Livi was getting her nutritional needs, and growing appropriately.
After the RSV diagnosis, I was second guessing myself in a huge way. Of course, Jeremy was quick to dispell my paranoia, and point out how well Livi was doing, and how well Audrey was adjusting, but I was petrified. Audrey NEVER had any serious illness, other than ear infections. Was this my fault?? Was I sacrificing Livi's health just to make sure I was there for Audrey?? P.A.R.A.N.O.I.A
I literally, did not let happy little Liv out of arm's reach for the next 2 days. I slept with my hand on her chest to make sure she wasn't wheezing. Well, I don't think you could call it sleeping...I laid with my hand on her chest, watching her sleep, just in case she started wheezing. My boss was extremely understanding, and had no problem letting me take Friday off (Thank goodness)
I trekked back to the MD office Friday, they completed a "deep suction", to pull all the goo out of her chest, and he told me the next 24 hours would be critical. Thank the good Lord above, she turned the corner, and was on the mend by Saturday evening! Those 2 days were 2 of the worst I have ever experienced. Her little body was racked with coughing, and sneezing. Literally. Her entire body would convulse when she coughed, and I had no choice but to use a nasal aspirator every 2 hours to make sure she was able to breathe comfortably. Thankfully, by Sunday we noticed a drastic improvement with her condition, and my mother-in-law was able to keep her Monday for us. I was no where near ready to send her to daycare. I am so fortunate she is so flexible, and understanding!! She kind of adores her grandbabies too, so I knew the next best set of hands, other than mine, belonged to her. She would not hesitate to call Jeremy or I, if she thought Livi was in any kind if distress, which was a huge comfort to me.
Today, Tuesday, she seems like her normal happy little self!! Thank God! Maybe we can both get some sleep tonight ;) For now, I am trying not to be ridiculously paranoid and over protective....We shall see how that goes ;)
Monday, January 9, 2012
Here we go....
I have been on a bit of a hiatus from the blog...but I am back and ready to catch up ;)
Sweet little Olivia joined our family October 28th at 11:51 am. Her birth was eventful in it's own way. I went to my OB appointment on the 27th and there was no change at all. The week prior to that the MD gave me the option of being induced on the 20th, just in case my blood sugar went crazy again and he was afraid my iron level was getting too low, but I wanted to go into labor on my own. FAT chance. This little girl was perfectly cozy and not willing to come out!! So the 27th he didn't give me much choice. If we waited much longer, the chances of serious complications could arise, and I didn't want to put Olivia in any danger, so I agreed to be induced at 9pm that night. I called Jeremy at work, he called his parents and I put my sister on high alert, since she was going to have Audrey. After I rechecked my hospital bag for "essentials" and triple checked Audrey's overnight bag, she left with my sister, and Jeremy and I just looked at each other. I was anxious and nervous, not knowing what to expect. When I went into labor with Audrey, I felt prepared. I read everything I could get my hands on, and felt like I knew what would happen. This time, it was all up to how my body handled the drugs, etc. I like to research and plan, so the whole induction thing was freaky.
At 9pm, we were in the hospital room, and I was being hooked up to all the machines that come along with having a baby. The 1st band went around my stomach and we heard Olivia's heartbeat, the second band went on and the nurse looked at me , and said " Do you feel that?" I didn't feel anything. Apparently I was having contractions 3 minutes apart. It's amazing how COMPLETELY different the labor was with each pregnancy. The MD decided to go with a Foley bulb instead of Pitocin since my body was already beginning labor. By midnight the Foley bulb was out, and we were on our way! The contractions were getting harder and faster, so they gave me some Stadol. (the nurse actually prepped the delivery area, they thought I would deliver before 6am) Wowee... That is some strange stuff. I had a dose with Audrey, but this affected me completely different than before. I felt like a bad scene in Alice in Wonderland. I slept for a while, then the nurse told me the contractions were leveling off, most likely a side effect of the Stadol. (Nice.) So I got a Pitocin drip at 5am. At 6am my water broke....boy did that bring on the contractions. Hard. and Fast. At 8 the nurse checked me and told me I was almost at 8 centimeters, and the window for my epidural was closing, so I told her to bring the anesthesiologist ASAP. I can honestly count on one hand the number of times I have cried because I was in pain...and I was so, so close to tears. There was barely a minute between contractions, and I was having a hard time catching my breath. I could have kissed the anesthesiologist!! Such Relief! I was so tired by this point, I could barely keep my eyes open. Then suddenly, it was time to push. Oy!! I started pushing at 11am, and Ms. Olivia joined us at 11:51. She weighed in at 7lbs 4 oz. and was 21 inches long. (It was kind of ironic since the doc told me several times I was measuring small.) She was perfect!! I was able to immediately have skin to skin contact and Jeremy cut her umbilical cord. AmAzInG!!!!
It boggles my brain at how different each of our girls (LOVE the sound of that) are , as were the pregnancies! We had to take Livi back to the pediatrician almost daily for 3 weeks due to high jaundice levels, then concern over her weight gain. But, we are on the right track now....my "baby" weighs almost 12 lbs at almost 11 weeks!! Looks like she is going to be bigger than her sister, which may not be a bad thing since she may have to defend herself occasionally ;)
Audrey is a great big sister, most of the time ;) She likes to help "urp" the baby, and give her blankies. We have had the "gentle with the baby" conversation several times... She is a little ruffian on occasion.
As I write this I am planning on going back to work in 2 days....BOOO!! I don't want to, and am less than excited about it, but it's inevitable. I do feel somewhat comforted since we are sending Livi to the same daycare Audrey goes to, and I LOVE the newborn "teacher" Ms. Debbie. She is wonderful with babies and has the same "give them what they need when they need it" philosophy that I have. She doesn't stick to the "schedule regimens" that several other daycares we looked at do.
I have so much more to catch up on, but Livi is waking up and I want to cuddle her every chance I get for the next few days ;)
P.S. I am thinking about changing the blog name to Moreland's Mayhem, or Mayhem at the Moreland house.. What do ya think???
Sweet little Olivia joined our family October 28th at 11:51 am. Her birth was eventful in it's own way. I went to my OB appointment on the 27th and there was no change at all. The week prior to that the MD gave me the option of being induced on the 20th, just in case my blood sugar went crazy again and he was afraid my iron level was getting too low, but I wanted to go into labor on my own. FAT chance. This little girl was perfectly cozy and not willing to come out!! So the 27th he didn't give me much choice. If we waited much longer, the chances of serious complications could arise, and I didn't want to put Olivia in any danger, so I agreed to be induced at 9pm that night. I called Jeremy at work, he called his parents and I put my sister on high alert, since she was going to have Audrey. After I rechecked my hospital bag for "essentials" and triple checked Audrey's overnight bag, she left with my sister, and Jeremy and I just looked at each other. I was anxious and nervous, not knowing what to expect. When I went into labor with Audrey, I felt prepared. I read everything I could get my hands on, and felt like I knew what would happen. This time, it was all up to how my body handled the drugs, etc. I like to research and plan, so the whole induction thing was freaky.
At 9pm, we were in the hospital room, and I was being hooked up to all the machines that come along with having a baby. The 1st band went around my stomach and we heard Olivia's heartbeat, the second band went on and the nurse looked at me , and said " Do you feel that?" I didn't feel anything. Apparently I was having contractions 3 minutes apart. It's amazing how COMPLETELY different the labor was with each pregnancy. The MD decided to go with a Foley bulb instead of Pitocin since my body was already beginning labor. By midnight the Foley bulb was out, and we were on our way! The contractions were getting harder and faster, so they gave me some Stadol. (the nurse actually prepped the delivery area, they thought I would deliver before 6am) Wowee... That is some strange stuff. I had a dose with Audrey, but this affected me completely different than before. I felt like a bad scene in Alice in Wonderland. I slept for a while, then the nurse told me the contractions were leveling off, most likely a side effect of the Stadol. (Nice.) So I got a Pitocin drip at 5am. At 6am my water broke....boy did that bring on the contractions. Hard. and Fast. At 8 the nurse checked me and told me I was almost at 8 centimeters, and the window for my epidural was closing, so I told her to bring the anesthesiologist ASAP. I can honestly count on one hand the number of times I have cried because I was in pain...and I was so, so close to tears. There was barely a minute between contractions, and I was having a hard time catching my breath. I could have kissed the anesthesiologist!! Such Relief! I was so tired by this point, I could barely keep my eyes open. Then suddenly, it was time to push. Oy!! I started pushing at 11am, and Ms. Olivia joined us at 11:51. She weighed in at 7lbs 4 oz. and was 21 inches long. (It was kind of ironic since the doc told me several times I was measuring small.) She was perfect!! I was able to immediately have skin to skin contact and Jeremy cut her umbilical cord. AmAzInG!!!!
It boggles my brain at how different each of our girls (LOVE the sound of that) are , as were the pregnancies! We had to take Livi back to the pediatrician almost daily for 3 weeks due to high jaundice levels, then concern over her weight gain. But, we are on the right track now....my "baby" weighs almost 12 lbs at almost 11 weeks!! Looks like she is going to be bigger than her sister, which may not be a bad thing since she may have to defend herself occasionally ;)
Audrey is a great big sister, most of the time ;) She likes to help "urp" the baby, and give her blankies. We have had the "gentle with the baby" conversation several times... She is a little ruffian on occasion.
As I write this I am planning on going back to work in 2 days....BOOO!! I don't want to, and am less than excited about it, but it's inevitable. I do feel somewhat comforted since we are sending Livi to the same daycare Audrey goes to, and I LOVE the newborn "teacher" Ms. Debbie. She is wonderful with babies and has the same "give them what they need when they need it" philosophy that I have. She doesn't stick to the "schedule regimens" that several other daycares we looked at do.
I have so much more to catch up on, but Livi is waking up and I want to cuddle her every chance I get for the next few days ;)
P.S. I am thinking about changing the blog name to Moreland's Mayhem, or Mayhem at the Moreland house.. What do ya think???
Monday, October 24, 2011
18 months and growing....
Audrey had her 18 month check up today, and apparently she is well ahead of the curve. The pediatrician actually recommended doing as many activities that range in the 2 year old category as possible. He says she will decide if it's too difficult or not, and what is acceptable for her in terms of development. He was quite impressed with her vocabulary and dexterity. That made me laugh a little, because I was worried her speech would be a little delayed in lieu of the million ear infections and tubes, apparently that worry was for no reason. Looks like she is going to be a brainiac, and that is more than ok with this momma!!! I also found it ironic, considering we just moved her up to the 2 year old room at dayccare, and she LOVES it. Originally we were trying to avoid several biters in the toddler room, and decided to try it to see if it helped with the boredom....Viola! It did!
She weighs in at 23 lbs and 31 inches tall. She doesn't break the 30th percentile in either category, and her head circumference is even smaller. At 45 and a half centimeters she is only in the 18th percentile. Like I have said before, she is apparently just going to be a little petite.
At this point, Audrey is a handful in her own little way. It isn't that she misbehaves a lot, or doesn't listen; although she does have her moments, she is just in to EVERYTHING! She wants to see how things work, what they do, or how to operate them. Keeping her entertained is proving to be our biggest challenge at the moment. Boredom strikes this kid fairly easily. Books are currently our refuge...She LOVES books. It is, at this point, the only way to keep her still for 20 minutes. She still loves her Mickey mouse, but we try to limit T.V. to 30 minutes a day. I do not want her to be one of those kids who sits and stares at the television for hours on end. We color, draw, play outside, create fun "activities", etc to keep her busy so I am always looking for fun ideas and stuff to do with her. She is VERY close to being ready to potty train, but I don't want her to endure too much change at once, considering we will be bringing her baby sister home soon. So I am probably going to wait until we have a decent family routine in place, and go from there.
I can't wait to see how she interacts with her new little sister. She is GREAT with other kids, so I am hoping she doesn't act out alot when we bring the baby home. Hopefully....it will be a fairly easy transition.
She weighs in at 23 lbs and 31 inches tall. She doesn't break the 30th percentile in either category, and her head circumference is even smaller. At 45 and a half centimeters she is only in the 18th percentile. Like I have said before, she is apparently just going to be a little petite.
At this point, Audrey is a handful in her own little way. It isn't that she misbehaves a lot, or doesn't listen; although she does have her moments, she is just in to EVERYTHING! She wants to see how things work, what they do, or how to operate them. Keeping her entertained is proving to be our biggest challenge at the moment. Boredom strikes this kid fairly easily. Books are currently our refuge...She LOVES books. It is, at this point, the only way to keep her still for 20 minutes. She still loves her Mickey mouse, but we try to limit T.V. to 30 minutes a day. I do not want her to be one of those kids who sits and stares at the television for hours on end. We color, draw, play outside, create fun "activities", etc to keep her busy so I am always looking for fun ideas and stuff to do with her. She is VERY close to being ready to potty train, but I don't want her to endure too much change at once, considering we will be bringing her baby sister home soon. So I am probably going to wait until we have a decent family routine in place, and go from there.
I can't wait to see how she interacts with her new little sister. She is GREAT with other kids, so I am hoping she doesn't act out alot when we bring the baby home. Hopefully....it will be a fairly easy transition.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
The waiting game.......
That's where we stand right now with baby girl #2.... We wait!
The doctor has threatened to induce me. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of modern medicine and will definitely follow doc's orders, but the thought of being induced is not something I am ok with at this point. At my appointment Friday he offered (or "strongly suggested") to go ahead and schedule it this week, but also gave me the option of waiting one more week, until my "actual" due date. I opted to wait, thinking mother nature knows best. I went into labor on my own last time, so hopefully that will happen again. Induction creates more stress on the baby so I am trying to wait it out....I hope it's the right decision. If there are no signs of active labor this week, I have no other choice, as he told me. He will not let me go any closer to 41 weeks than possible. When I go back to the doctor this Friday, I will leave with an induction date, and it will most likely be ASAP. BLAH! Don't get me wrong, I am beyond. ready. to. have. this. baby., I just want to do it in the best way possible for her. After this Friday, I know induction will be best, but I really hope it doesn't come to that.
As much as I love being pregnant, this pregnancy has been quite a bit more difficult than the last. The low iron, whacked out blood sugar, work schedule and chasing a toddler has prettly much left me exhausted. all. the. time. That's the secondary reason the doctor started talking about induction. He is worried that my blood sugar will crash, and I will not have the energy to endure a long labor, and the low iron may prevent a speedy recovery. So, we compromised... "light duty" from here on out, no more working for me, and induction before 41 weeks.. I am perfectly fine with that!!!
I am so ready to meet our little girl and see what she's like. I can't help but wonder if she's going to be the complete opposite of Audrey or if we will have 2 peas in a pod. I constantly wonder how the heck I am going to pull off taking care of 2 kids under 2 and maintain the house, work schedule etc. The best advice I have received so far was simply "you always find a way". I am trying not to stress out about it, I am just going to figure it out as I go I guess. Hopefully it works ;)
The doctor has threatened to induce me. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of modern medicine and will definitely follow doc's orders, but the thought of being induced is not something I am ok with at this point. At my appointment Friday he offered (or "strongly suggested") to go ahead and schedule it this week, but also gave me the option of waiting one more week, until my "actual" due date. I opted to wait, thinking mother nature knows best. I went into labor on my own last time, so hopefully that will happen again. Induction creates more stress on the baby so I am trying to wait it out....I hope it's the right decision. If there are no signs of active labor this week, I have no other choice, as he told me. He will not let me go any closer to 41 weeks than possible. When I go back to the doctor this Friday, I will leave with an induction date, and it will most likely be ASAP. BLAH! Don't get me wrong, I am beyond. ready. to. have. this. baby., I just want to do it in the best way possible for her. After this Friday, I know induction will be best, but I really hope it doesn't come to that.
As much as I love being pregnant, this pregnancy has been quite a bit more difficult than the last. The low iron, whacked out blood sugar, work schedule and chasing a toddler has prettly much left me exhausted. all. the. time. That's the secondary reason the doctor started talking about induction. He is worried that my blood sugar will crash, and I will not have the energy to endure a long labor, and the low iron may prevent a speedy recovery. So, we compromised... "light duty" from here on out, no more working for me, and induction before 41 weeks.. I am perfectly fine with that!!!
I am so ready to meet our little girl and see what she's like. I can't help but wonder if she's going to be the complete opposite of Audrey or if we will have 2 peas in a pod. I constantly wonder how the heck I am going to pull off taking care of 2 kids under 2 and maintain the house, work schedule etc. The best advice I have received so far was simply "you always find a way". I am trying not to stress out about it, I am just going to figure it out as I go I guess. Hopefully it works ;)
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Procrastination panic!
I had another follow up with the ol' doc today and all looks well!! Yay! We will meet our wonderful addition in roughly 6 weeks. I am getting super excited!
The thought of bringing a baby home in 6 weeks set me into a panic last night! We have been procrastinating, not on purpose, but we are getting down to the wire in terms of getting ready for baby girl #2. We did bring out the bassinet and pack -n- play and got it all set up this weekend. I also managed to do a little shopping to make sure she isn't going to be naked when we bring her home. Unfortunately, that's about all I have managed to do in preparation for baby #2. Between my work schedule, Jeremy changing jobs, my absolute exhaustion, and chasing Audrey around, we just honestly lost track of time. I had a minor melt down about it last night, and am determined to get this show on the road. Our nephew's 1st birthday is this weekend (which I cannot believe) so after all the celebrating we are getting down to business!
By this point in my pregnancy with Audrey we were 90% ready for her. Everything was finished except a few details in the nursery. 90% complete with pregnancy #2 and we don't even have a newborn diaper n the house! Sad right? I do not want to make a difference between our two girls, EVER! I have 1st hand experience with that, and I always promised myself it would NEVER happen with my own kids....hence the panic! I feel like we should have prepared for #2 the way we prepared with Audrey. Realistically I know it's not exactly making a difference, and I know now more of what to expect with bringing home a newborn, but I never want this little girl to feel like she isn't just as special as her sister!
After the festivities this weekend, this momma will be starting Operation Get It Together!!
The thought of bringing a baby home in 6 weeks set me into a panic last night! We have been procrastinating, not on purpose, but we are getting down to the wire in terms of getting ready for baby girl #2. We did bring out the bassinet and pack -n- play and got it all set up this weekend. I also managed to do a little shopping to make sure she isn't going to be naked when we bring her home. Unfortunately, that's about all I have managed to do in preparation for baby #2. Between my work schedule, Jeremy changing jobs, my absolute exhaustion, and chasing Audrey around, we just honestly lost track of time. I had a minor melt down about it last night, and am determined to get this show on the road. Our nephew's 1st birthday is this weekend (which I cannot believe) so after all the celebrating we are getting down to business!
By this point in my pregnancy with Audrey we were 90% ready for her. Everything was finished except a few details in the nursery. 90% complete with pregnancy #2 and we don't even have a newborn diaper n the house! Sad right? I do not want to make a difference between our two girls, EVER! I have 1st hand experience with that, and I always promised myself it would NEVER happen with my own kids....hence the panic! I feel like we should have prepared for #2 the way we prepared with Audrey. Realistically I know it's not exactly making a difference, and I know now more of what to expect with bringing home a newborn, but I never want this little girl to feel like she isn't just as special as her sister!
After the festivities this weekend, this momma will be starting Operation Get It Together!!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
MD Part II
After a day of running errands, and an hour wait at the M.D. office, I finally made it to the follow up appointment! So far, my blood sugar is no worse! Thank God! It's not better, but at least it's not worse. The problem right now, is my blood sugar is fluctuating, causing my dizzy spells and exhaustion. That combined with my low iron levels makes for a very crappy feeling momma! I have also lost some weight, which earned me the "eye" from the doctor. At 32 weeks pregnant, I have gained 7.5 lbs. That number freaked me out! The doc said it wasn't a huge concern, but in order to kill 2 birds with one stone persay, I have to eat something at least every 2 hours during the day. This should not only keep my blood sugar stable, it will keep me from losing more weight. Whew!! That, I can definitely do!! I was seriously worried that the doc was going to put me on medication, or something was going to be horribly wrong, but considering the situation, I got the best news possible today!! Talk about stress relief! I still have that nagging worry in the back of my head, but that will not go away until our little girl is here! Now I just need to focus on taking care of myself and prepared to meet our baby!!!
In other news, Audrey has hit a growth spurt! I woke her up to get her ready Monday, and it took 15 minutes to find her some clothes that fit... Oy!! I guess it's long overdue, but it makes me a little sad ;) My little girl is growing too fast, and momma isn't quite ready for it. I guess I just need to brace myself and accept it. She is already acting so much older than her 17 months. I do not want to force her to "grow up too fast" with the introduction of baby #2... but I am afraid she is going to anyway! It's just in her personality I suppose. I have also noticed that she is getting bored with her "little" girl toys, so we will be shopping for "big" girl toys too!! I guess there are worse things I could do than go shopping for "our girls" this weekend!! (Love the sound of that!)
In other news, Audrey has hit a growth spurt! I woke her up to get her ready Monday, and it took 15 minutes to find her some clothes that fit... Oy!! I guess it's long overdue, but it makes me a little sad ;) My little girl is growing too fast, and momma isn't quite ready for it. I guess I just need to brace myself and accept it. She is already acting so much older than her 17 months. I do not want to force her to "grow up too fast" with the introduction of baby #2... but I am afraid she is going to anyway! It's just in her personality I suppose. I have also noticed that she is getting bored with her "little" girl toys, so we will be shopping for "big" girl toys too!! I guess there are worse things I could do than go shopping for "our girls" this weekend!! (Love the sound of that!)
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