#2??

I have been thinking alot lately about #2... Yes, that's right, I have baby fever already! I LOVED being pregnant and would do it again in a heartbeat. If that little voice in my head was not screaming "BE RESPONSIBLE", I would go full steam ahead, but there are things to consider besides my recent obsession with babies.
We have talked about it, at length, and are going to wait at least a year, and reevaluate the situation. If I find myself in a position where I am able to work closer to home, we will evaluate before then. I will be 30 next year, and with our "trouble" and past history, I am not entirely convinced we are meant to "have" #2, but I am ok with that. Maybe it is our "history" that has prepared me for that reality, and I am fine with the struggle that will ensue once again. If it becomes too much of a struggle, we will start the adoption process. That is something we have already decided as well. I desperately want Audrey to have a immediate family that consists of a little brother or sister, and experience that unique bond. As the oldest of 4, I know how rewarding that bond is. She will have a cousin (Mr. Kayden sometime at the end of Sept.) 6 months younger than she is, and I am looking forward to watching them grow together. I can't wait. The next year is going to be AMAZING!!!

On a side note: It's nice to finally be at peace with "the struggle",as I have realized not to let the "struggle" define me. It does not make me less of a person, or a weaker person. It allows me to draw on my experiences, and I like to think "the struggle" gave me a unique perspective and will make me a better parent. I firmly believe I am meant to be a mom, and God has granted me that amazing privilege. If I am meant to be pregnant again, I will be. I have faith in that. If not, that's ok, because pregnant or not, I am someone's mom, and will be again, and hopefully we can come up with a better name than "#2". :)

Back to Reality.....

I can honestly say, this week sucks! Not only did I return to work Monday, I left my precious, precious little girl with strangers at (drum roll please) DAYCARE!
Granted, I am not the only person on the planet who has to use daycare, but that did not make leaving my little girl there any easier. As Jeremy says, "She will be fine, all they have to do is feed her and change her diaper." Intellectually, I understand that, but my heart was not getting the message. Not only did I feel like I was deserting my child, the guilt was ridiculous!! All I could think was " I am leaving my child with strangers, way to win the mother of the year award (sarcasm)." It is getting a little easier each day, but I still call and check on her daily. Ms. Debbie (lead "teacher") probably thinks I am a lunatic, but that's ok. Monday I called her 4 times, but I have reduced my calls to a meager 2 per day. So far, everything has gone really well!!

It is amazing how priorities change. 11 months ago, I would have worked myself into the ground to get another promotion, now I can honestly say, it doesn't matter in the slightest. I have an amazing, wonderful job.... being a mom. I never thought I could be a stay at home mom, because I was a "career woman". HA!! I would LOVE to stay at home and enjoy every day with Audrey. Alas, I did not win the lottery on my birthday, and someone has to pay for a car, college tuition, braces...etc. So needless to say, I drag my very non motivated butt to work daily now, which is getting easier, by the way. I do, however, watch the clock and count the minutes until I come home to my precious little girl.

I must remember to count my blessings, as I was fortunate enough to stay home with Audrey for 2 and a half months. Some are not as fortunate, and have to rely on day care for their child at 6 weeks old.

She's a Genius!

...Well, not really.
We had to take Audrey for her dreaded 2 month MD appointment for her shots today. She is 22 and a quarter inches long, and weighs 10 lbs 10 ounces. She measures 60th percentile in weight, 40th in length and 19th in head circumference. Basically she is a petite little girl. I am ok with that. Of course, I asked the pediatrician 100 questions since she is in low range in the percentile scale. He assures me she is growing as she should, and is perfectly healthy!
The good news....apparently she is an overachiever. After a thorough question and answer session, and examination, it appears our little girl is hitting all of her milestones early. YAY! Actually, she is hitting them well ahead of schedule accrding to the pediatrician. Boy, does hearing that make a momma PROUD! Hopefully, this will continue in the coming weeks, even though I will be returning to work. I am convinced we have a genius on our hands ;)

Already?

We are getting ready for another one of Audrey's firsts.... the dreaded 2 month immunization appointment. I think I am the one that is a mess. I worry about how she will react, and what the M.D. will say, envisioning him telling me I am not doing something right. I guess we shall see....

Smile!

At 3am last Monday night, I witnessed one of our daughter's firsts. She was having a fussy night (fairly unusual for her), and I was exhausted (not unusual). After trying everything I could think of to soothe her, I decided she may be hungry. Despite eating just one hour before, I tried to feed her again. Much to my suprise, she was hungry and ate for about 20 minutes. As I struggled to stay awake, and not get frustrated with her, I looked down to wipe her little face, and she smiled at me. It was not the usual "Hey mom, I have gas" smile, she looked directly at me and smiled. I was convinced I was so tired, I was delusional. I picked her up to burp her, and she smiled again. I knew this was no illusion. Our little girl hit a milestone, and it absolutely melted my heart. It made every second of that late night worth it, and once again forced me to count my blessings. ( I am convinced God does this on purpose, when I am at my wits end).

Now, I get smiles daily, and I am LOVING every minute of it!! Now, I am anxiously awaiting the laughter that goes with the smile.

Mother's Day (Part 2)

This Mother's Day I will be counting my blessings!!

Mother's Day

WOW! I can't believe this will be my first Mother's Day. What a tremendous blessing. I thank God everyday for our precious little girl, a.k.a. "our little miracle".
Do not get me wrong, I think all mothers are amazing human beings and everyone of them should be recognized everyday for everything they do, but I want to vent a little about all of those who are mothers in every sense of the word, without being called "mom."

It takes a special person to be a mom, I know that. It takes an even better person to open their homes to children that are not biologically theirs. Mom, in every sense of the word, is about being a selfless caregiver, and loving unconditionally. Sometimes "moms" don't get the title. For some reason this is irritating me today. I know so many wonderful women who take care of children that are not biologically theirs. These women are teachers, aunts, adoptive parents, or just a neighbor who knows a child in a bad situation and does everything in their power to make their lives better. These women are "moms" in every sense of the word.

My sister happens to be one of these wonderful women. Not only does she take care of herself, go to school, and maintain a household, she selflessly gives to her students, neice and nephew. Under her care these kids have transitioned into well behaved, well rounded children, who would have not otherwise known this amazing life her and her husband have created for them.

I want to encourage everyone out there to stop for a minute if you know any of these amazing women, and tell them "Happy Mother's Day". Most of the time they do not get the recognition they deserve, so let's change that today.

Now that my rant is over, I am going to relish Mother's Day with our little miracle.

Happy Mother's Day