So.... Even though I swore I wouldn't do it until January, I went back to the doctor to talk about #2. I know, I'm crazy! I am just one of those people, who want to be proactive I suppose. The funny thing is, as soon as the doctor walked into the room, he looked at me; winked, and said "I bet you want #2!" He's a mind reader!
We talked and conversated trying to come up with the best "plan of attack" as the doctor called it, and decided to try one more round of medication. I refused several types of treatment that we tried last time, because they make me feel like crap, and I refuse to be at 50% for my daughter. She deserves her mom to be at 100% for her at all times. We finally compromised on one more hormone treatment, and an honest to goodness effort by me to get my blood sugar under control. He basically told me that last time I got pregnant with no medication or treatment was a complete "stroke of luck", or in my terms "complete miracle". So, here we go again. 3 months of hormone treatment, and a strict diet, and maybe, just maybe, #2 sometime next year.
After the last time, and all the struggles we dealt with, it was really hard to come to the decision, that we are going to do it again. Not that we don't want #2, or don't think it is well worth it, for lack of better words, it was just HARD to deal with. But here we are, getting ready to do it again.
I am trying not to get excited, but I refuse to be pessimistic either. I have decided not to be greedy; meaning we already received our miracle, if we are not blessed with another one, I am ok with that. I almost feel guilty asking for another one, not too many people are blessed with one miracle. Who am I to ask for another? I do hope the big Man blesses us with another child, but I have decided I am ok with our family of 3 for now. We decided to "try" for a year, max!! After that we will consider alternatives; adoption, foster care, etc. I just don't want Audrey to ever think she isn't enough because we want another child. We adore that little girl, and will happily spend every day making sure she knows that!! I am trying to take everything for what it is. The "struggle" will NOT define me. Actually, I refuse to let it be a struggle. I will consider myself blessed either way.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Things ( I think) I know...
1. Audrey is growing WAY too fast.
2. Every moment is a "special" moment.
3. Every first, is just as exciting as the one before.
4. Audrey learns something new every, single day.
5. She will a teenager in no time.
6. No one really cares if there are dirty dishes in the sink.
7. No matter what kind of day I have, it ALWAYS gets better at 6.
8. Every one has their own "parenting style". Just because it's not the way I would do things, doesn't make it "wrong". (And vice versa)
9. Loving a child is unlike any other love.
10. It really does take a village (or lots of family) to raise a child.
11. Sometimes you just have to let the little things go, and look at the big picture.
12. Audrey does not like green beans
13. It's kind of crazy how much one little person changes your whole world!! Obviously for the best!
2. Every moment is a "special" moment.
3. Every first, is just as exciting as the one before.
4. Audrey learns something new every, single day.
5. She will a teenager in no time.
6. No one really cares if there are dirty dishes in the sink.
7. No matter what kind of day I have, it ALWAYS gets better at 6.
8. Every one has their own "parenting style". Just because it's not the way I would do things, doesn't make it "wrong". (And vice versa)
9. Loving a child is unlike any other love.
10. It really does take a village (or lots of family) to raise a child.
11. Sometimes you just have to let the little things go, and look at the big picture.
12. Audrey does not like green beans
13. It's kind of crazy how much one little person changes your whole world!! Obviously for the best!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
When you know, you know.....
This time 5 years ago (CRAZINESS) I was wrapping up wedding plans, & preparing to marry a pretty amazing man.
Friday, September 17th, Jeremy and I will celebrate our 5 year anniversary (thanks to Nana for babysitting). That sounds absolutely NUTS! It seems like we have only been married 5 minutes, not 5 years. I guess that means I am a VERY lucky and blessed lady! Not only am I lucky enough to come home to my best friend every night, I get to come home to Audrey's dad!
I have dated my fair share of "special" (not the good kind) of guys, and after the last disaster of a relationship, I decided I was done, until I found the "one." I always dated your average "all-american" boy, with dark hair, dark skin, and 6 ft tall. I wasn't quite sure what to think when this little (5'10) blond guy with a few piercings, and his butt hanging out his jeans, asked me out to lunch.... Luckily for me, I went. After that "date", if you count Arby's as a date, I decided he was for me. Those of you who know me, know I ponder and think way too much, but I instantly decided this guy was gonna be mine. Granted I had to wait a few years, as he was dating someone, then I would be "involved" with someone, etc., etc. but I always knew.
I always thought you had to be able to be friends with the person you spend the rest of your life with.... Love is grand and all, but if you aren't friends, love isn't enough.
This guy quickly became one of my best friends. It took him FOREVER to actually ask me out, but he's a slow mover! Ironically, our first date was October Friday the 13th. Several of my friends "warned" me that it was bad "luck", but oh well. I am not the superstitious type, and it paid off.
We overcame obstacles when we were dating, but I think it just prepared us for obstacles in marriage. We got "looks" in public, but I didn't care. It was a little funny to see pictures of us, since he was a "punk skater" type, and I would be in "all american" gear. But, I always blew it off, and giggled at reactions of others. Alot of people seemed to have trouble looking past the outside to the inside (including my parents), but I knew that big heart was under the "scary" facade.
Shortly after our 3rd or 4th date we ran to Petsmart to get my dog some dog food. I was ready to check out, and was having trouble finding Jeremy. I looked over by the adoption area and he was teary eyed at the thought of a poor abused cat not being adopted. Wow! What a guy! This guy was too good to be true. He was an animal lover, was a huge family man, and was wonderful to his momma and granny! He was definitely a keeper.
It is interesting to look back and see how much we have both changed, but the change has definitely been for the best. I love the fact that we have grown together, learned together, and tackled obstacles together. Now we get to raise our beautiful little girl together.
I hope that we can be the role models Audrey deserves, and that she is able to learn the value of marriage and love from us. I want her to look back at her life, and say "I want to havewhat mom and dad have." When she asks me how she will know if "he" is the one, I will tell her to make sure she feels cherished, loved, respected, and to make sure "he" can make her laugh. I want her to look for a man like her daddy, with her grandpa rolled in. When she asks how you "really know", all I can tell her is to listen to her heart, because when you know, you know.
Friday, September 17th, Jeremy and I will celebrate our 5 year anniversary (thanks to Nana for babysitting). That sounds absolutely NUTS! It seems like we have only been married 5 minutes, not 5 years. I guess that means I am a VERY lucky and blessed lady! Not only am I lucky enough to come home to my best friend every night, I get to come home to Audrey's dad!
I have dated my fair share of "special" (not the good kind) of guys, and after the last disaster of a relationship, I decided I was done, until I found the "one." I always dated your average "all-american" boy, with dark hair, dark skin, and 6 ft tall. I wasn't quite sure what to think when this little (5'10) blond guy with a few piercings, and his butt hanging out his jeans, asked me out to lunch.... Luckily for me, I went. After that "date", if you count Arby's as a date, I decided he was for me. Those of you who know me, know I ponder and think way too much, but I instantly decided this guy was gonna be mine. Granted I had to wait a few years, as he was dating someone, then I would be "involved" with someone, etc., etc. but I always knew.
I always thought you had to be able to be friends with the person you spend the rest of your life with.... Love is grand and all, but if you aren't friends, love isn't enough.
This guy quickly became one of my best friends. It took him FOREVER to actually ask me out, but he's a slow mover! Ironically, our first date was October Friday the 13th. Several of my friends "warned" me that it was bad "luck", but oh well. I am not the superstitious type, and it paid off.
We overcame obstacles when we were dating, but I think it just prepared us for obstacles in marriage. We got "looks" in public, but I didn't care. It was a little funny to see pictures of us, since he was a "punk skater" type, and I would be in "all american" gear. But, I always blew it off, and giggled at reactions of others. Alot of people seemed to have trouble looking past the outside to the inside (including my parents), but I knew that big heart was under the "scary" facade.
Shortly after our 3rd or 4th date we ran to Petsmart to get my dog some dog food. I was ready to check out, and was having trouble finding Jeremy. I looked over by the adoption area and he was teary eyed at the thought of a poor abused cat not being adopted. Wow! What a guy! This guy was too good to be true. He was an animal lover, was a huge family man, and was wonderful to his momma and granny! He was definitely a keeper.
It is interesting to look back and see how much we have both changed, but the change has definitely been for the best. I love the fact that we have grown together, learned together, and tackled obstacles together. Now we get to raise our beautiful little girl together.
I hope that we can be the role models Audrey deserves, and that she is able to learn the value of marriage and love from us. I want her to look back at her life, and say "I want to havewhat mom and dad have." When she asks me how she will know if "he" is the one, I will tell her to make sure she feels cherished, loved, respected, and to make sure "he" can make her laugh. I want her to look for a man like her daddy, with her grandpa rolled in. When she asks how you "really know", all I can tell her is to listen to her heart, because when you know, you know.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
So, I met this guy.....
.....and he is the new # 1 guy in my life!!! (sorry Jeremy!) ;)
Kayden James Cooper arrived 9/10/10, and let me tell you, my nephew is going to be a heart beaker!!! He weighed in at 6 pounds and is 18 inches long. He has a head full of blond hair, & his momma's nose. He has his daddy's hands, and eyes. He is adorable!! With parents like his, I should not be surprised! ;)
I know how powerful a mother's love is, and I am pretty sure that this little man is going to benefit from TONS of it!! His momma is beaming with love and pride, and his daddy can't quit smiling. It is amazing to watch! ( I am SOOOO proud of them both!)
I am looking forward to having the best of both worlds. I get to be Audrey's mom and Kayden's aunt, (that sounds soo weird). What could be better? I get to spoil him rotten, spoil him a little more and send him home (unless its a sleepover night), and I get to raise my beautiful little girl 2 streets away. This momma's love is going to shower them both, as I already feel protective of him, since I am going to be his favorite Aunt and all.... (hehe)!! It is kind of crazy that you can become immediately attached and feel unparalleled love for a tiny little person the first time you meet them. I am already slightly obsessed with this little guy ;) I can't wait to see Audrey and Kayden interact, and grow up together!
It is amazing how God has blessed us all!! I am equally amazed how he has expanded my heart to hold an amount of love I never knew I could posses. I was pretty sure Audrey would always BE my heart, and she is (of course), but Mr. Kayden has a huge chunk of it too!!
The future for the Moreland family and the Cooper family is looking amazingly bright, and I am soooo excited to see what the future brings to us all!!!
Monday, August 30, 2010
So what.....
It sounds rather elementary, but those 2 words snapped me back to reality. Sounds ridiculous, right?
Let me rewind.......
I have been struggling ALOT lately, with the "traditional mom vs. career mom" decision and definition. I constantly beat myself up because I have to work for a living (gasp), and cannot stay home with our baby girl. I am surrounded by "traditional" moms, who either have the ability to stay home with their children, or have the luxury of being home to get their kids off the bus, or only work for "spending" money. I, however, do not have that luxury and was beginning to feel inadequate as a mother.
Recently, I was offered a very wonderful opportunity for a "huge" promotion, but it involves substantially more work. Luckily, that does not mean more time away from home, just cramming more into my day, and working from home after Audrey is in bed. I obsessed over this decision for days, feeling like a HORRIBLE mother, because I was actually was contemplating choosing work over my daughter. Balancing life, mommyhood and a career is not easy.
I sat at lunch with one of my dear friends, explaining the agonizing decision I was trying to make. She completely understood, and sympathized with me, because it was her duty as my BFF, but she looked at me like I had 4 heads. Then she looked at me, said 2 words, and rattled my world.
The conversation went something like this:
Me : " I feel like people think I am a horrible mom. I work 50 plus hours a week, not including drive time, and I am contemplating taking on more responsibilty. I am always home for bedtime, and make sure I am the first person she sees when she gets up, but how do I know if that's enough."
Her : " Sounds like you have most of your bases covered, and I know Jeremy always pitches in when needed. Does Audrey ever go without what she needs? I know for a fact every time she is sick or needs you, you stay home. Seems like you know what your priorities are and how to organize time to make sure you spend time with her."
Me : " I just feel like other people look at me like it's not enough"
Her : " So what??"
*Picture me with a very confused look on my face*
Epiphany!!!
Her : "You have always been an independent thinker, why do you care what other people think now?!"
Holy Crap!!! She's a genius!
Who was I becoming? I know I am a good mom, and wife. Why was I so confused??
I call it "mommy guilt." I would LOVE to spend every single minute with Audrey, but I do not have that luxury. I schedule my time well, and make sure each and everyone of her needs is met in a timely fashion. I am always home by 6:30 at the latest. (It is by far, my favorite time of the day) I feed her, we have playtime, I bathe her, read her a bedtime story and put her to bed. It's what we call "mommy time." That also helps dad get his "daddy time", so he can take a breather. I get her up every morning. We have play time, I feed her, get her dressed and we start our day together.
I can do this. I really think I can. I know some people don't get it, or think I am choosing the wrong path. In the end, I will provide a wonderful life for my daughter, and that is what matters. I know it will not be easy, I don't expect it to. The biggest fan I have, is my amazingly supportive husband, who I come home to every night. He is the lynch pin in this operation.
As long as my daughter and husband are happy and know they are loved and cherished, I will consider myself a good mom and wife. If the day comes, when either of them tell me or feel otherwise, I will be more than happy to remedy the situation.
As far as what other people think.... So what!?!
P.S. Her parting one liner is now my motto "Superwoman had no Kryptonite!!"
Let me rewind.......
I have been struggling ALOT lately, with the "traditional mom vs. career mom" decision and definition. I constantly beat myself up because I have to work for a living (gasp), and cannot stay home with our baby girl. I am surrounded by "traditional" moms, who either have the ability to stay home with their children, or have the luxury of being home to get their kids off the bus, or only work for "spending" money. I, however, do not have that luxury and was beginning to feel inadequate as a mother.
Recently, I was offered a very wonderful opportunity for a "huge" promotion, but it involves substantially more work. Luckily, that does not mean more time away from home, just cramming more into my day, and working from home after Audrey is in bed. I obsessed over this decision for days, feeling like a HORRIBLE mother, because I was actually was contemplating choosing work over my daughter. Balancing life, mommyhood and a career is not easy.
I sat at lunch with one of my dear friends, explaining the agonizing decision I was trying to make. She completely understood, and sympathized with me, because it was her duty as my BFF, but she looked at me like I had 4 heads. Then she looked at me, said 2 words, and rattled my world.
The conversation went something like this:
Me : " I feel like people think I am a horrible mom. I work 50 plus hours a week, not including drive time, and I am contemplating taking on more responsibilty. I am always home for bedtime, and make sure I am the first person she sees when she gets up, but how do I know if that's enough."
Her : " Sounds like you have most of your bases covered, and I know Jeremy always pitches in when needed. Does Audrey ever go without what she needs? I know for a fact every time she is sick or needs you, you stay home. Seems like you know what your priorities are and how to organize time to make sure you spend time with her."
Me : " I just feel like other people look at me like it's not enough"
Her : " So what??"
*Picture me with a very confused look on my face*
Epiphany!!!
Her : "You have always been an independent thinker, why do you care what other people think now?!"
Holy Crap!!! She's a genius!
Who was I becoming? I know I am a good mom, and wife. Why was I so confused??
I call it "mommy guilt." I would LOVE to spend every single minute with Audrey, but I do not have that luxury. I schedule my time well, and make sure each and everyone of her needs is met in a timely fashion. I am always home by 6:30 at the latest. (It is by far, my favorite time of the day) I feed her, we have playtime, I bathe her, read her a bedtime story and put her to bed. It's what we call "mommy time." That also helps dad get his "daddy time", so he can take a breather. I get her up every morning. We have play time, I feed her, get her dressed and we start our day together.
I can do this. I really think I can. I know some people don't get it, or think I am choosing the wrong path. In the end, I will provide a wonderful life for my daughter, and that is what matters. I know it will not be easy, I don't expect it to. The biggest fan I have, is my amazingly supportive husband, who I come home to every night. He is the lynch pin in this operation.
As long as my daughter and husband are happy and know they are loved and cherished, I will consider myself a good mom and wife. If the day comes, when either of them tell me or feel otherwise, I will be more than happy to remedy the situation.
As far as what other people think.... So what!?!
P.S. Her parting one liner is now my motto "Superwoman had no Kryptonite!!"
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The definition of "Modern" woman
.....is there really a definition?? I think not.
I have been thinking about this alot lately, as I have been presented with a "huge" opportunity at work, and am currently debating the "mom vs. career" decision. I want my daughter to have a very strong woman role model in her life. I realize that "strong" has many definitions. When I say strong, I mean: strong in her faith, strong in her compassion, strong mentally, strong emotionally, and the ipitamy of woman, meaning strength in all you do. I want her to have the confidence to stand up for the innocent and weak, but at the same time, stand up for herself. I want her to be strong in her faith, and hopefully her faith will be unshakable. I want her to be confident in her studies, her knowledge and never doubt herself for a minute. I want her to have the strength to be herself no matter what anyone else says....... I want my daughter to change the world..... (Small expectations, huh??) Is there really a way to teach that..?? I have no idea. I just thank God, that she has several "strong women" in her life, and hopefully one day she will consider me one of them. My hope is that one day, all of these wonderful influences will make her a strong, beautiful, confident woman........
At this point, I have to decide if I can really be a "career mom" or if I need to let it go and be a "traditional mom". I am at a point in my life, where I cannot define either of those. I am honestly more confused now than I have been in such a long time...... Can you tell?????
The only thing I know without the shadow of a doubt, is that Audrey is the most important thing in my life, and all my decisions will be based on what is in her best interest. After all, a deal is a deal ..... (refer to my 1st blog)
Side note: I am also extremely Thankful for all the strong men in her life....
I have been thinking about this alot lately, as I have been presented with a "huge" opportunity at work, and am currently debating the "mom vs. career" decision. I want my daughter to have a very strong woman role model in her life. I realize that "strong" has many definitions. When I say strong, I mean: strong in her faith, strong in her compassion, strong mentally, strong emotionally, and the ipitamy of woman, meaning strength in all you do. I want her to have the confidence to stand up for the innocent and weak, but at the same time, stand up for herself. I want her to be strong in her faith, and hopefully her faith will be unshakable. I want her to be confident in her studies, her knowledge and never doubt herself for a minute. I want her to have the strength to be herself no matter what anyone else says....... I want my daughter to change the world..... (Small expectations, huh??) Is there really a way to teach that..?? I have no idea. I just thank God, that she has several "strong women" in her life, and hopefully one day she will consider me one of them. My hope is that one day, all of these wonderful influences will make her a strong, beautiful, confident woman........
At this point, I have to decide if I can really be a "career mom" or if I need to let it go and be a "traditional mom". I am at a point in my life, where I cannot define either of those. I am honestly more confused now than I have been in such a long time...... Can you tell?????
The only thing I know without the shadow of a doubt, is that Audrey is the most important thing in my life, and all my decisions will be based on what is in her best interest. After all, a deal is a deal ..... (refer to my 1st blog)
Side note: I am also extremely Thankful for all the strong men in her life....
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Mommy panic
STRESSSSS~~!!!!!
It is viciously storming outside, severe thunderstorm warnings are everywhere, and being the geniuses that we are, we decided to move Ms. Audrey into her own room tonight!
Granted, the decision was made earlier this week, when we noticed she was sleeping mostly through the night. Regardless, this momma is panicking!! I know she will be fine, and that it is better for everyone involved, but I cannot seem to contain the "momma panic". What if the gigantic tree outside her window, busts her window?, what if she rolls over into the bumper pads?, what if, what if, what if. I can't seem to make my brain stop playing the "what if" card. In all reality, outside of my CRAZY mind, I know she will be ok. She has been rolling over all by herself for almost a month and a half now; no need to worry about the bumper pads. The tree has been there the entire 2 and a half years we have been here.... all windows are still intact. She has been sleeping on her stomach for at least a month with no mishaps.
If I am this much of a mess just because she is sleeping on a different floor of the house, what the heck am I going to do when this kid goes to college??? Sheesh!!!!
P.S. I forgot to mention that we have video monitors, so I can see every move she makes..... Guess that makes me even more crazy for worrying!!!!!!!
It is viciously storming outside, severe thunderstorm warnings are everywhere, and being the geniuses that we are, we decided to move Ms. Audrey into her own room tonight!
Granted, the decision was made earlier this week, when we noticed she was sleeping mostly through the night. Regardless, this momma is panicking!! I know she will be fine, and that it is better for everyone involved, but I cannot seem to contain the "momma panic". What if the gigantic tree outside her window, busts her window?, what if she rolls over into the bumper pads?, what if, what if, what if. I can't seem to make my brain stop playing the "what if" card. In all reality, outside of my CRAZY mind, I know she will be ok. She has been rolling over all by herself for almost a month and a half now; no need to worry about the bumper pads. The tree has been there the entire 2 and a half years we have been here.... all windows are still intact. She has been sleeping on her stomach for at least a month with no mishaps.
If I am this much of a mess just because she is sleeping on a different floor of the house, what the heck am I going to do when this kid goes to college??? Sheesh!!!!
P.S. I forgot to mention that we have video monitors, so I can see every move she makes..... Guess that makes me even more crazy for worrying!!!!!!!
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