Anxiously Awaiting Audrey

At 39 weeks and 3 days, you could say I am getting impatient. We can't wait to meet our baby girl, but I guess a few more days won't kill us. Everyone asks if I am miserable, but luckily I feel fine, honestly, probably a little too good. When I tell people I am impatient, most just grin and shake their head. I don't think they really understand. While 9 months feels like forever, we have been waiting on this little miracle for 3 and a half years.

It seems like just yesterday we were dealing with ovulation tests, doctor appointments, negative pregnancy tests, miscarriage, tears, frustration, and all the baggage that comes with "trying", to no avail. In December 2009, we decided that maybe, just maybe, we weren't meant to be "biological" parents, and decided we were going to open our home to adoption. The day we made that decision, I went on a small shopping spree at Amazon.com. I ordered and read everything I could get my hands on about adoption. From "How-to" books, to how to handle adoption emotionally, to Adoption for dummies, I read them all. We even started our own little adoption fund, at the end of January to get the process started ASAP. Honestly, I think it was the most relaxed couple of months we had experienced in a LONG time. We even planned a long weekend at the lake with friends. Until that point we were putting money in our "baby fund" like crazy people, but came to the realization that we needed a break. We were going to relax and have some fun. We planned, and packed and took a few extra days off work just to spend some time together. It was nice. July 24th, I woke up, finished packing, ran some errands, and found myself in dire need of a nap. I woke up, looked at the clock, and realized I needed to move quick, it was almost time to go. I have no idea why, or what hit me to make think of it, but I thought "Crap, I am a day late". Not that it was a unusual occurrence by any means, but it was a little odd. I immediately thought of the one pregnancy test left buried in the very bottom of the drawer and thought, "Nah, I'm sure its gonna be negative, I will just wait a few days." Jeremy came home, we packed up the dogs, and after a long discussion he convinced me to take the test, just so I wouldn't be "worried" about it the whole time we were gone. It took 5 seconds for two lines to appear, and the panic to set in. I never knew you could be excited, scared, terrified, and shocked at the same time. Immediately, the tears the tears started. I really didn't think I could handle another miscarriage, and with our history, I felt it was inevitable. We decided to head on to the lake, and try to enjoy ourselves for a few days, and honestly the sleep was well needed at that point.

I called and made the dreaded doctor's appointment again. I had a eerie deja-vu feeling, and was not particularly happy about it. The doctor wanted me to wait a little longer before he was me, because of my "history". He didn't want me to come in until I was close to 10 weeks. That was a lifetime away. Jeremy did his best to keep me entertained, (those of you who know him, can only imagine what he came up with) and we just took things a day at a time. He noticed that things were different this time, before I did. I didn't have alot of pregnancy symptoms, other than being stuck in nausea purgatory, where you can't throw up, but prayed you could just so you would feel better. I was convinced that since I didn't have many symptoms, we would be getting bad news at the ol' doctor's office. Finally, D-day rolled around, as Jeremy called it. We both took the day off work, just in case we received bad news at the doctor's office, and made the dreaded trip to Central Baptist. We got to the office, and luckily only waited 5 minutes. They called my name, and in we went. I thought I was going to pass out. I had prepared myself for bad news, but prayed nightly we would get good news, and hoped it would work this time. The nurse, whom I adore, came in checked my vitals and asked me if I was ready for the doctor. I couldn't even muster up words, I just shook my head. We may as well get it over with. The doctor came in, asked his 200 questions, and it was time. The dreaded ultrasound. I laid on the table and Jeremy held my hand. I kept looking at the doctor's face instead of the ultrasound screen, hoping to be distracted. He looked at me and said the most amazing words " Look at this flicker, the heartbeat is strong" I had no idea, I was holding my breath, until I let it out in a giant "whoosh", and leaned back. The doctor patted my leg and said "It's ok, you can breath now." I looked over at Jeremy, who was in fact crying and just beginning to breathe, himself. Honestly, my first thought, was "Holy crap this may actually work out."

Of course we were both ecstatic, cautious, but oh so excited. We did wait a few more days, and before telling people, but Jeremy wanted to shout it from the roof tops, so it didn't take long for the word to spread. It was kind of awkward to tell people we weren't finding out the baby's sex, some took it better than others. I told God if he blessed us with a baby, I would dedicate my life to making sure he/she was well taken care of, and he/she would be my number one priority. No more staying late at work, no more worrying about staying ahead of the competition, and no more ridiculous career focus. Well, he did, so I had to hold up my end of the bargain, and it did not matter to me if it was a girl or boy, a "deal is a deal". I fought many battles defending my decision, but I caved into the wished of my husband. He was dying to know and I didn't feel like I had the right to keep him from knowing. We decided to find out, and tell everyone at Christmas. I knew Jeremy had his heart set on a boy, but I knew better. I told him numerous times, I thought it was girl. That wonderful little picture popped up on the ultrasound screen, and the technician said "You are going to have a beautiful baby girl." Of course, I cried, and starred at screen, absolutely amazed. Then I realized Jeremy was sitting beside me, turned and looked at him, almost expecting some sort of disappointment, but he looked at me and said "Wow, we are having a little girl! A baby girl, WOW!", and of course he cried. As we were leaving the office he looked over at me, dead serious, and said "We need more locks on the door and she's not dating until she's 25" I laughed all the way to the car. She already has him wrapped around her finger.

It took a little time to come up with a name, but we decided on Audrey Leigh Moreland. Audrey was the only name we liked, that wasn't too cutesy or trendy. Jeremy really wanted to use part of his grandmother's name (whom he absolutely adores), so Leigh it was. He wants her to have a strong sense of family, so do I, but I know she will have one. She doesn't have much of a choice, its a big family :)

Not much has happened between the end of October and now, except telling the grandparents, aunts and uncles that they should all plan for a baby girl. It was a wonderful Christmas gift. I do have to say, Jennifer had the most "animated" reaction. Overall, it has been a wonderful experience.

I do have to say that I feel terrible for all the women who have difficult pregnancies, I couldn't imagine. Other than the occassional bout with exhaustion, and a ridiculous sense of smell, I feel absolutely wonderful! I can only hope I am this lucky "next time". ( Yes, I realize how lucky I am ;) )

Our little girl is showing no signs of being ready to join us, but she is due in 5 more days, so hopefully she will decide to make her grand appearance soon. We decided we want to raise a free thinking, independent little girl. While I was worried about how to do that the right way at first, I am not worried anymore. She is already making her own decisions, and doing what she wants....

We are Anxiously Awaiting Audrey.....