Thursday, February 25, 2016

Back to the Basics

It's beyond time for me to get back to the basics. My basics. The part where I actually care about what I like, enjoy, am passionate about, you know, the part about ME.

As previously documented, 2015 was not a very good year for me. It was pretty ridiculous actually. It was a gosh-damn-friggin trap of a year. I can't seem to let it go! Want to know what the result is?? RIDICULOUS amounts of angst, anger and anxiety! Paralyzing amounts of anxiety! Never, not once in my life, have I ever been anxious. Until the day I thought I was reverting back to my pre-teen years, and having a blasted asthma attack. Nope. No asthma attack, just pure ridiculous, chest crushing, breath taking, flippin' anxiety. WTF?! Not ok. Simply put, I friggin' refuse! I know 2015 stunk, but I am not going to allow myself to be a victim! Nope! I have fought against that mentality MY WHOLE DAMN life, and it sure as shit isn't happening now!

Not happening!

SO, I came up with a plan of attack. I'm going to figure this out. I realized, probably a few years too late, that I am really good at the whole self sabotaging thing. Damn! So much for mental toughness. This is one of my biggest weaknesses. After being told for most of your life, you aren't good enough, you start to believe it, despite all those around cheering you on. Well, damn you! I am good enough! I deserve peace. Peace of mind, soul, and spirit. And damn you, I will have it! I have spent a majority of my life taking care of everyone else, now I will take care of myself. I want it! I earned it! I deserve it! I am going to!

Well, I thought I was going to. Damnit, I underestimated how hard it is to get someone else's voice out of my head. Make no mistake, I will figure it out. I have a plan :)  I am going to start with mental and physical fitness. Then I will tackle those life long passions & dreams.

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