So what.....

It sounds rather elementary, but those 2 words snapped me back to reality. Sounds ridiculous, right?
Let me rewind.......
I have been struggling ALOT lately, with the "traditional mom vs. career mom" decision and definition. I constantly beat myself up because I have to work for a living (gasp), and cannot stay home with our baby girl. I am surrounded by "traditional" moms, who either have the ability to stay home with their children, or have the luxury of being home to get their kids off the bus, or only work for "spending" money. I, however, do not have that luxury and was beginning to feel inadequate as a mother.
Recently, I was offered a very wonderful opportunity for a "huge" promotion, but it involves substantially more work. Luckily, that does not mean more time away from home, just cramming more into my day, and working from home after Audrey is in bed. I obsessed over this decision for days, feeling like a HORRIBLE mother, because I was actually was contemplating choosing work over my daughter. Balancing life, mommyhood and a career is not easy.
I sat at lunch with one of my dear friends, explaining the agonizing decision I was trying to make. She completely understood, and sympathized with me, because it was her duty as my BFF, but she looked at me like I had 4 heads. Then she looked at me, said 2 words, and rattled my world.
The conversation went something like this:
Me : " I feel like people think I am a horrible mom. I work 50 plus hours a week, not including drive time, and I am contemplating taking on more responsibilty. I am always home for bedtime, and make sure I am the first person she sees when she gets up, but how do I know if that's enough."
Her : " Sounds like you have most of your bases covered, and I know Jeremy always pitches in when needed. Does Audrey ever go without what she needs? I know for a fact every time she is sick or needs you, you stay home. Seems like you know what your priorities are and how to organize time to make sure you spend time with her."
Me : " I just feel like other people look at me like it's not enough"
Her : " So what??"
*Picture me with a very confused look on my face*
Epiphany!!!
Her : "You have always been an independent thinker, why do you care what other people think now?!"

Holy Crap!!! She's a genius!
Who was I becoming? I know I am a good mom, and wife. Why was I so confused??
I call it "mommy guilt." I would LOVE to spend every single minute with Audrey, but I do not have that luxury. I schedule my time well, and make sure each and everyone of her needs is met in a timely fashion. I am always home by 6:30 at the latest. (It is by far, my favorite time of the day) I feed her, we have playtime, I bathe her, read her a bedtime story and put her to bed. It's what we call "mommy time." That also helps dad get his "daddy time", so he can take a breather. I get her up every morning. We have play time, I feed her, get her dressed and we start our day together.
I can do this. I really think I can. I know some people don't get it, or think I am choosing the wrong path. In the end, I will provide a wonderful life for my daughter, and that is what matters. I know it will not be easy, I don't expect it to. The biggest fan I have, is my amazingly supportive husband, who I come home to every night. He is the lynch pin in this operation.

As long as my daughter and husband are happy and know they are loved and cherished, I will consider myself a good mom and wife. If the day comes, when either of them tell me or feel otherwise, I will be more than happy to remedy the situation.

As far as what other people think.... So what!?!

P.S. Her parting one liner is now my motto "Superwoman had no Kryptonite!!"

The definition of "Modern" woman

.....is there really a definition?? I think not.

I have been thinking about this alot lately, as I have been presented with a "huge" opportunity at work, and am currently debating the "mom vs. career" decision. I want my daughter to have a very strong woman role model in her life. I realize that "strong" has many definitions. When I say strong, I mean: strong in her faith, strong in her compassion, strong mentally, strong emotionally, and the ipitamy of woman, meaning strength in all you do. I want her to have the confidence to stand up for the innocent and weak, but at the same time, stand up for herself. I want her to be strong in her faith, and hopefully her faith will be unshakable. I want her to be confident in her studies, her knowledge and never doubt herself for a minute. I want her to have the strength to be herself no matter what anyone else says....... I want my daughter to change the world..... (Small expectations, huh??) Is there really a way to teach that..?? I have no idea. I just thank God, that she has several "strong women" in her life, and hopefully one day she will consider me one of them. My hope is that one day, all of these wonderful influences will make her a strong, beautiful, confident woman........
At this point, I have to decide if I can really be a "career mom" or if I need to let it go and be a "traditional mom". I am at a point in my life, where I cannot define either of those. I am honestly more confused now than I have been in such a long time...... Can you tell?????

The only thing I know without the shadow of a doubt, is that Audrey is the most important thing in my life, and all my decisions will be based on what is in her best interest. After all, a deal is a deal ..... (refer to my 1st blog)




Side note: I am also extremely Thankful for all the strong men in her life....

Mommy panic

STRESSSSS~~!!!!!
It is viciously storming outside, severe thunderstorm warnings are everywhere, and being the geniuses that we are, we decided to move Ms. Audrey into her own room tonight!

Granted, the decision was made earlier this week, when we noticed she was sleeping mostly through the night. Regardless, this momma is panicking!! I know she will be fine, and that it is better for everyone involved, but I cannot seem to contain the "momma panic". What if the gigantic tree outside her window, busts her window?, what if she rolls over into the bumper pads?, what if, what if, what if. I can't seem to make my brain stop playing the "what if" card. In all reality, outside of my CRAZY mind, I know she will be ok. She has been rolling over all by herself for almost a month and a half now; no need to worry about the bumper pads. The tree has been there the entire 2 and a half years we have been here.... all windows are still intact. She has been sleeping on her stomach for at least a month with no mishaps.

If I am this much of a mess just because she is sleeping on a different floor of the house, what the heck am I going to do when this kid goes to college??? Sheesh!!!!

P.S. I forgot to mention that we have video monitors, so I can see every move she makes..... Guess that makes me even more crazy for worrying!!!!!!!

Things to remember.....

1. 2am diaper blowouts suck
2. I don't buy into the "don't hold the baby too much you will spoil the baby", thing.
3. Huggies are much better than Pampers
4. Swaddling blankets are much better than receiving blankets.
5. The boppy and Bumbo are essentials
6. No need to buy a ton of toys, he/she is just as fascinated with his/her feet.
7. Don't buy hairbows until she has hair, (who knows when that will ever happen!?!).
8. Be prepared for "mommy" paranoia. Suddenly everything is a potential hazard to your baby.
9. Babies are not cheap
10. There are always ways to cut corners/costs.
11. Coupons are amazing
12. It is possible to function on zero sleep, you actually kind of get used to it.
13. Everyone has an opinion, but you don't have to listen to them.
14. Jeremy is wonderful with babies
15. Breastfeeding is best.
16. Just because it's expensive, doesn't necessarily mean it's the best thing for your baby.
17. The 1st smile and all those after make everything worth it.
18. I love being pregnant.
19. Baby fever NEVER goes away.
20. Being a Mommy is amazing!!! (It would be even better if we got paid for it!)

So, She's a little petite!

At Audrey's 4 month check up, she weighed in at 13 lbs, 25 inches long, and a head circumference of 40 centimeters. So, yes she's tiny! I hate that word. Everyone tells me she's tiny! I know she's tiny, but I prefer "petite". I have fretted over her size for a month now, but according to Dr. Revelette, she's growing perfectly. Actually, she is developmentally 6 to 8 weeks ahead of where she should be. She has been rolling over for quite a while now and he thinks she will be crawling soon, and may be walking by 8 or 9 months. He encouraged us to keep up with her activity, including toys, so she doesn't get bored! Genius!! :)
People look at me like I am crazy when I say she is bored, but he finally validated my point! Infants can get bored, score one for mom!!
I haven't quite decided on when to start her on solid food. The pediatrician recommended waiting until she is 5 months old, since she is still somewhat breastfed. The nutritional value of solids at this point isn't even close compared to breast milk or formula. I am just dying to try it to see the look on her face! I have always gone with the pediatrician's recommendations, so it is going to be hard to deviate from it. I did tell him I plan on making my own baby food, and he LOVED the idea!
I am amazed at the reactions I get when I tell people I am going to make my own baby food. Some people are wonderfully supportive, and other people look at me like I have 3 heads. I actually had a woman look at me and say, "You are just over compensating because you feel bad for working so much." Needless to say, I don't talk to her much. I plan on making my own baby food because I think it is what is best for my daughter. I want to know exactly what is going into her "tiny" body, and hopefully it will persuade her that fresh food is always best!

I have the best intentions, I just hope I can pull it off!!