Petrified!!

I can honestly say, with 2 kids I have been concerned, have fretted, but NEVER have I been petrified, until last Thursday.

My lovely little lady, Olivia was diagnosed with RSV, after being in daycare a total of 6 days, my happy little girl was coughing so hard, her whole body shook. PETRIFIED!

I left work early last Thursday and met Jeremy and Liv (my nickname for her) at the pediatrician's office. I knew something wasn't right, call it mommy's intuition, and made the appointment earlier in the day. I was hoping it would be one of those appointment's where our pediatrician told me I was just being paranoid, but I had that itchy momma feeling that something was up. After the nurse shoved what looked like a 8 inch cotton swab up my sweet girl's nose, the pediatrician came into the room and told us little Livi had RSV. I immediately felt my chest constrict in panic. She was way too little for this diagnosis, and my brain went into overdrive. Almost immediately I recalled that RSV results in a high percentage of pneumonia diagnosis, and my eyes welled up with tears. The pediatrician was quick to tell me there was nothing I could have done to prevent it, and it would be ok, but I thought differently. Maybe , just maybe, if I had taken another 2 weeks off work, and she was 3 months old before she went to daycare, or maybe if I was still breast feeding, it would not be a problem. He quickly dispelled both notions, but non the less,I melted down in racking sobs as soon as we got home. Livi is not a good breast feeder, and it just did not work for her like it did Audrey, so I gave it up thinking it was best for her, now I second guessed myself. She was not gaining weight because of  her jaudice, and our pediatrician recommended supplementing. Fine with me. I did it. Then I tried pumping, feeding her with a bottle, etc. It was not going well and he recommended 75% formula to ensure she would catch up on her growth. I followed direction. Have you ever tried to pump breast milk with a 20 month old running around?? Well, it's not easy! Eventually, we decided it best just to put Livi on formula. I really thought it would benefit both kids.... after contemplating it for days.  Meaning, I would be able to give Audrey the attention she needed from me, as well as making sure Livi was getting her nutritional needs, and growing appropriately.
After the RSV diagnosis, I was second guessing myself in a huge way. Of course, Jeremy was quick to dispell my paranoia, and point out how well Livi was doing, and how well Audrey was adjusting, but I was petrified. Audrey NEVER had any serious illness, other than ear infections. Was this my fault?? Was I sacrificing Livi's health just to make sure I was there for Audrey?? P.A.R.A.N.O.I.A
I literally, did not let happy little Liv out of arm's reach for the next 2 days. I slept with my hand on her chest to make sure she wasn't wheezing. Well, I don't think you could call it sleeping...I laid with my hand on her chest, watching her sleep, just in case she started wheezing. My boss was extremely understanding, and had no problem letting me take Friday off (Thank goodness)
I trekked back to the MD office Friday, they completed a "deep suction", to pull all the goo out of her chest, and he told me the next 24 hours would be critical. Thank the good Lord above, she turned the corner, and was on the mend by Saturday evening! Those 2 days were 2 of the worst I have ever experienced. Her little body was racked with coughing, and sneezing. Literally. Her entire body would convulse when she coughed, and I had no choice but to use a nasal aspirator every 2 hours to make sure she was able to breathe comfortably. Thankfully, by Sunday we noticed a drastic improvement with her condition, and my mother-in-law was able to keep her Monday for us. I was no where near ready to send her to daycare. I am so  fortunate she is so flexible, and understanding!! She kind of adores her grandbabies too, so I knew the next best set of hands, other than mine, belonged to her. She would not hesitate to call Jeremy or I, if she thought Livi was in any kind if distress, which was a huge comfort to me.

Today, Tuesday, she seems like her normal happy little self!! Thank God!   Maybe we can both get some sleep tonight ;)  For now, I am trying not to be ridiculously paranoid and over protective....We shall see how that goes ;)