Well, it happened! Our baby girl is crawling!! I cannot explain how exciting it was to watch her first "coordinated movements".
Literally, 2 seconds after I walked in the door, I turned around, and there she was....CRAWLING! Of course I went a little nuts, the eyes immediately started watering, and the text messages went out!! As quickly as I sent them, we had a house full of proud grandparents and aunts and uncles! It was awesome!!
Now that she is in bed and I am sitting here blogging, I suddenly feel very bittersweet about the whole thing. I worried and fretted over this kid crawling, now I want her to be little again. I am excited that she can explore her own world now, but I want to swaddle her up and cuddle with her. I am immensely proud of my little girl for figuring it out, but sad that she is growing up so quickly! I guess this plethora of emotions will happen with every "milestone", in a way, just part of being a momma, I suppose.
Suddenly I am too tired to finish this blog.... I will, just not tonight. I need my rest, I have a baby to chase around now ;)
Monday, November 29, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Letting go.... (Maybe)
A few weeks ago, Audrey had the stomach virus.... and it lasted FOREVER. For 2 solid weeks she randomly puked. At first it was obvious the stomach bug had bitten her pretty hard. Then 72 hours later, she yacked again, was fine for 24 hours, then it happened again. We continued this pattern for 2 weeks. Well the last time she was sick, off to the pediatrician we went. At 6pm our pediatrician was listening to the rants of a STRESSED out mama. His answer "sometimes it just happens". (WHAT?!?) Of course he gave a list of "what to watch for"; food allergies, overfeeding, blah, blah, blah.... I left in tears. There was something wrong with MY baby, and I couldn't figure it out. Ok, that's bad enough, but when the pediatrician plays a guessing game with my child's health, the stress levels hit maximum levels.
We got home, bathed her and put her to bed. I then sat on the laptop for 4 hours doing research, yes, I said 4 hours. After all that wasted time, I sat on the couch, and cried. We are not talking about a few tears streaking my make-up, I mean boo-hoo, meltdown cry fest. Of course, Jeremy was looking at me like I was a crazy person. (I admit, I am sometimes). He chalks alot of life up to "Sh*t happens", I however, constantly look for reasons or answers... serious personality flaw of mine. After I explained to him why I was ridiculously upset, he still looked quite puzzled. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with my BABY!!! Stress!!!! Why didn't he just understand that?!? I was slightly pissed.... (well, more than slightly ;) )
Then he looked at me and said, "well, maybe you should pray about it then", and promptly went to bed leaving me sitting in the living room. Again, his outlook on life knocked me on my butt.
I sat down on the couch and the phrase "let go and let God", immediately popped into my head.
The point of this blog: I suck at letting go and trusting God. I have been working on it, but quite frankly, I suck at it. I know the need to find answers, or reasons thing happen ,has always been a major personality flaw of mine, but I always chalked it up to my "scientific brain". Well, Jeremy dropped the bullsh*t card on me. I have a living, breathing miracle in my house, that the Doc couldn't explain, and I still feel the need to look for answers..... What a loser!!!
So, here's what I have decided. (Yes, I have been thinking about this for almost a month now.) God makes each one of us unique, we all have our battles to fight, and paths to find. I do have a very scientifically and medically oriented brain, I am ok with that. I figure He programmed me that way for a reason, and I have been able to use my knowledge to help alot of the people I care about. Audrey, as I have said before, is here to teach me as many lessons as I can teach her. Patience, love and compassion are only a few of those lessons. Maybe now I am supposed to learn how to "just let go". It's harder than it sounds, especially for me. So here's what I am trying to do : I will only worry or stress out about things I can control, or affect. Otherwise, it's in His hands, and I will trust him to direct the path I am supposed to take in life. I will trust Him to take care of my family in the way He deems proper, and try my best to just follow where He leads.......I am SERIOUSLY worried I am going to fail this one!!!
Side note: How about that husband of mine?!? "He is a man of few words, but his words create thought."
We got home, bathed her and put her to bed. I then sat on the laptop for 4 hours doing research, yes, I said 4 hours. After all that wasted time, I sat on the couch, and cried. We are not talking about a few tears streaking my make-up, I mean boo-hoo, meltdown cry fest. Of course, Jeremy was looking at me like I was a crazy person. (I admit, I am sometimes). He chalks alot of life up to "Sh*t happens", I however, constantly look for reasons or answers... serious personality flaw of mine. After I explained to him why I was ridiculously upset, he still looked quite puzzled. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with my BABY!!! Stress!!!! Why didn't he just understand that?!? I was slightly pissed.... (well, more than slightly ;) )
Then he looked at me and said, "well, maybe you should pray about it then", and promptly went to bed leaving me sitting in the living room. Again, his outlook on life knocked me on my butt.
I sat down on the couch and the phrase "let go and let God", immediately popped into my head.
The point of this blog: I suck at letting go and trusting God. I have been working on it, but quite frankly, I suck at it. I know the need to find answers, or reasons thing happen ,has always been a major personality flaw of mine, but I always chalked it up to my "scientific brain". Well, Jeremy dropped the bullsh*t card on me. I have a living, breathing miracle in my house, that the Doc couldn't explain, and I still feel the need to look for answers..... What a loser!!!
So, here's what I have decided. (Yes, I have been thinking about this for almost a month now.) God makes each one of us unique, we all have our battles to fight, and paths to find. I do have a very scientifically and medically oriented brain, I am ok with that. I figure He programmed me that way for a reason, and I have been able to use my knowledge to help alot of the people I care about. Audrey, as I have said before, is here to teach me as many lessons as I can teach her. Patience, love and compassion are only a few of those lessons. Maybe now I am supposed to learn how to "just let go". It's harder than it sounds, especially for me. So here's what I am trying to do : I will only worry or stress out about things I can control, or affect. Otherwise, it's in His hands, and I will trust him to direct the path I am supposed to take in life. I will trust Him to take care of my family in the way He deems proper, and try my best to just follow where He leads.......I am SERIOUSLY worried I am going to fail this one!!!
Side note: How about that husband of mine?!? "He is a man of few words, but his words create thought."
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Turbulent Tuesday
My sweet girl is 8 months old today!!
This morning started off perfectly normal.... I fed and dressed Audrey, played with her for few minutes, pulled my necklace away from her a few times, and told her "no no" as she reached for my glasses. No big deal. As she reached for my glasses again, I started with "no.." and she stuck her finger in my eye. Sounds like no big deal, right??
Well, this kid has bionic fingers. In one fell swoop (or stab) she brought me to my knees. I yelled for Jeremy to come get her, because I was afraid I was going to drop her. Yes, it was that bad. She laughed. I kept telling myself it would be fine, it was just sore. I drove to work with one good eye, and one nasty red, watery eye. It will be fine, it's just sore...at least that's what I told myself. 2 hours later, my eye was almost swollen shut. Well crap! Off to the eye doc I went.
Outcome: "Gouged eye ball" according to the MD. I actually have a small hole 3 layers deep in the center of my cornea. He said most people get a cut on the eye that resembles a paper cut, a nice clean line. Me? I have a "gouge". His guess is that Audrey's fingernail caught just right and dug a small piece out. Nice!!
As I sit here blogging I have a "contact band aid" on my dilated eye, must use eye drops for 2 weeks after the "band aid" comes off, and use ice every 4 hours. Did I mention limiting all paper work to 4 hours a day?? Kind of hard in my line of work!
So.... that's my Tuesday! It's kind of funny.. I know.
P.S. I wanted to document this, so I can one day tell her she literally almost poked my eye out ;)
This morning started off perfectly normal.... I fed and dressed Audrey, played with her for few minutes, pulled my necklace away from her a few times, and told her "no no" as she reached for my glasses. No big deal. As she reached for my glasses again, I started with "no.." and she stuck her finger in my eye. Sounds like no big deal, right??
Well, this kid has bionic fingers. In one fell swoop (or stab) she brought me to my knees. I yelled for Jeremy to come get her, because I was afraid I was going to drop her. Yes, it was that bad. She laughed. I kept telling myself it would be fine, it was just sore. I drove to work with one good eye, and one nasty red, watery eye. It will be fine, it's just sore...at least that's what I told myself. 2 hours later, my eye was almost swollen shut. Well crap! Off to the eye doc I went.
Outcome: "Gouged eye ball" according to the MD. I actually have a small hole 3 layers deep in the center of my cornea. He said most people get a cut on the eye that resembles a paper cut, a nice clean line. Me? I have a "gouge". His guess is that Audrey's fingernail caught just right and dug a small piece out. Nice!!
As I sit here blogging I have a "contact band aid" on my dilated eye, must use eye drops for 2 weeks after the "band aid" comes off, and use ice every 4 hours. Did I mention limiting all paper work to 4 hours a day?? Kind of hard in my line of work!
So.... that's my Tuesday! It's kind of funny.. I know.
P.S. I wanted to document this, so I can one day tell her she literally almost poked my eye out ;)
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The scream of frustration..
It's quite ear piercing..... and painful. Audrey still isn't crawling, which the pediatrician assures me is perfectly normal (I was extremely concerned since she seems to do everything else super early), but she is trying her darndest!! She gets up on all fours and rocks back and forth, then she screams! At first it freaked me out, because she NEVER screams or fusses, I mean, NEVER. After about 30 minutes of this new game, it dawned on me..... She's pissed off because she knows what she wants to do, she just can't quite figure it out. (Jeremy says she gets this from me.) I really wish there was something I could do to help her, but alas, the pediatrician says to let her scream for a bit, it teaches her to deal with her emotions. It irked me for a bit, because I don't like to let her cry, but as my husband out it, some things she just has to figure things out. Geez!! I swore I would not be that mom: The one does everything for their kid just so they won't be upset. She does need to do some things herself, so I basically just need to get over it and deal with it. ( Note to self: make that my next mommy project!!)
She can pull herself up and stand for a few seconds, so I asked him if she was going to walk first, and crawl later, he laughed and said, "With this kid, it's entirely possible. She's gonna be an overachiever." Talk about a proud momma!! Woohoo!! I guess all parents are presented with unique situations, but I have a hard time separating the idea of "time line achievements" and individuals. I know she is an individual, and we are lucky enough to see a little more of her personality every day, but I can't seem to stop comparing her to other babies, or being paranoid about her hitting her milestones "on time". Actually, she hit most of them early, so I am going to stop worrying about this one, and trash my "book of time lines". I mean, who decided on this whole timeline thing anyway? According to our pediatrician, most of these time lines are off by 2 to 8 weeks for most children. (Did I mention how much I love our pediatrician??) He likes to speak candidly, which I love, and told us to "chuck the books, and quit worrying about time lines, she's perfect the way she is." Eureka! Of course she is perfect! I have known this since the day she was born... Why am I letting some "timeline" cloud my vision??
Well, no more!!
I am going to start prepping the house for a walking 8 month old!!
She can pull herself up and stand for a few seconds, so I asked him if she was going to walk first, and crawl later, he laughed and said, "With this kid, it's entirely possible. She's gonna be an overachiever." Talk about a proud momma!! Woohoo!! I guess all parents are presented with unique situations, but I have a hard time separating the idea of "time line achievements" and individuals. I know she is an individual, and we are lucky enough to see a little more of her personality every day, but I can't seem to stop comparing her to other babies, or being paranoid about her hitting her milestones "on time". Actually, she hit most of them early, so I am going to stop worrying about this one, and trash my "book of time lines". I mean, who decided on this whole timeline thing anyway? According to our pediatrician, most of these time lines are off by 2 to 8 weeks for most children. (Did I mention how much I love our pediatrician??) He likes to speak candidly, which I love, and told us to "chuck the books, and quit worrying about time lines, she's perfect the way she is." Eureka! Of course she is perfect! I have known this since the day she was born... Why am I letting some "timeline" cloud my vision??
Well, no more!!
I am going to start prepping the house for a walking 8 month old!!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Throwing in the towel
Hot flashes suck! The hormone treatments are seriously affecting me at this point. I am giving it up. This decision was not easily or quickly made, but bottom line, it's putting too much of a den t in my life. Hot flashes, mood swings, achiness, and exhaustion. I can't fit all of that into my normal work & mommy schedule. I will not be at 50% for my daughter. That basically sums it up....
We have been talking about giving it up for a few weeks, but I thought I could muster through it. I know it's a shock but, I can be quite stubborn ;) That wonderful husband of mine, put it quite simply, "Life is too short for all this." It never ceases to amaze me that his simple take on life makes complete sense!! We have been talking about it for 2 weeks, and tonight the decision was made. We have been blessed beyond measure, and we know that, so we are leaving #2 in HIS hands. Honestly it wasn't a horribly difficult decision, because I don't feel like I was making the decision for me or Jeremy. We made the decision for Audrey's sake. At this point, all of our time is precious, so I refuse to lose time with my daughter because I am tired or feel bad. I know everyone gets tired and cranky, but I am voluntarily doing this to myself by taking this medication. That was a pretty easy decision. Of all the treatments, and other stuff we tried in the past, I always felt like I had to do it, and persevere. I no longer feel that way, I have my miracle upstairs sleeping as I am typing this.... and well, .... that's pretty awesome!
Don't get me wrong, I definitely and almost desperately want another child. Jeremy feels the same way. But, you know, we left it in HIS hands last time, and I have a beautiful, happy, healthy little girl. That worked out pretty well for us. We are just going to trust that if it is supposed to happen again, He will bless us again. We are going to go ahead and still "try" as of the 1st of the year, and hope have #2 sometime relatively soon. If not, there are plenty of children in this world that need a good home. We would be more than happy to provide that! Our view on babies has not changed, we just may have to be creative in getting Audrey a little brother or sister. It just makes it that much easier knowing that no matter what child, ours or adopted, that we end up with, our family will welcome baby #2 with open arms!!!
On a side note:
Although he would never say so, or admit it, I am pretty sure Jeremy is relieved too. When I say mood swings, I mean MOOD SWINGS ;) It's kind of crazy how you know you are being unreasonable, and are powerless to stop it. I am looking forward to being my old self again!!
We have been talking about giving it up for a few weeks, but I thought I could muster through it. I know it's a shock but, I can be quite stubborn ;) That wonderful husband of mine, put it quite simply, "Life is too short for all this." It never ceases to amaze me that his simple take on life makes complete sense!! We have been talking about it for 2 weeks, and tonight the decision was made. We have been blessed beyond measure, and we know that, so we are leaving #2 in HIS hands. Honestly it wasn't a horribly difficult decision, because I don't feel like I was making the decision for me or Jeremy. We made the decision for Audrey's sake. At this point, all of our time is precious, so I refuse to lose time with my daughter because I am tired or feel bad. I know everyone gets tired and cranky, but I am voluntarily doing this to myself by taking this medication. That was a pretty easy decision. Of all the treatments, and other stuff we tried in the past, I always felt like I had to do it, and persevere. I no longer feel that way, I have my miracle upstairs sleeping as I am typing this.... and well, .... that's pretty awesome!
Don't get me wrong, I definitely and almost desperately want another child. Jeremy feels the same way. But, you know, we left it in HIS hands last time, and I have a beautiful, happy, healthy little girl. That worked out pretty well for us. We are just going to trust that if it is supposed to happen again, He will bless us again. We are going to go ahead and still "try" as of the 1st of the year, and hope have #2 sometime relatively soon. If not, there are plenty of children in this world that need a good home. We would be more than happy to provide that! Our view on babies has not changed, we just may have to be creative in getting Audrey a little brother or sister. It just makes it that much easier knowing that no matter what child, ours or adopted, that we end up with, our family will welcome baby #2 with open arms!!!
On a side note:
Although he would never say so, or admit it, I am pretty sure Jeremy is relieved too. When I say mood swings, I mean MOOD SWINGS ;) It's kind of crazy how you know you are being unreasonable, and are powerless to stop it. I am looking forward to being my old self again!!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Lucky me!
So, I realized I haven't updated my blog nearly enough about my adventures with my little girl. So here's a recap.....
This baby is ALWAYS happy. She is constantly smiling, laughing, clapping her hands, and is a literal ray of sunshine in my life. From the day we brought her home, we have had absolutely no problems. She had a fussy "time" at 7pm every night, that only lasted about 2 weeks. The transition to her own room was a breeze. It only took one night. She put herself on a schedule, with minimal interference from me. We are currently transitioning to a sippy cup, and so far, no problem. The kid even had a stomach virus this weekend, and smiled at me between every puke. She didn't fuss or cry, she just kind of laid around. The only time I get stressed, is when I stress myself out worrying about her. (Crazy right?!?)
I am continually amazed by her. I know how fortunate I am to have such an "easy" baby. Actually, I consider her a blessing. Every night at bedtime, I tell her she is our "little miracle", kiss her and put her in her crib. I honestly feel that she was put in my life to teach me a few lessons. Patience, compassion, love, strength, and tolerance. Those are just a few lessons she has taught me, and she is only 7 months old. I can't help but wonder what else this little girl will teach me in the next few years...
I know every mom thinks their child is special, and every child IS special in their own way, but this kid lights up a room!! (Envoking a momma's right to brag here;) )
This baby is ALWAYS happy. She is constantly smiling, laughing, clapping her hands, and is a literal ray of sunshine in my life. From the day we brought her home, we have had absolutely no problems. She had a fussy "time" at 7pm every night, that only lasted about 2 weeks. The transition to her own room was a breeze. It only took one night. She put herself on a schedule, with minimal interference from me. We are currently transitioning to a sippy cup, and so far, no problem. The kid even had a stomach virus this weekend, and smiled at me between every puke. She didn't fuss or cry, she just kind of laid around. The only time I get stressed, is when I stress myself out worrying about her. (Crazy right?!?)
I am continually amazed by her. I know how fortunate I am to have such an "easy" baby. Actually, I consider her a blessing. Every night at bedtime, I tell her she is our "little miracle", kiss her and put her in her crib. I honestly feel that she was put in my life to teach me a few lessons. Patience, compassion, love, strength, and tolerance. Those are just a few lessons she has taught me, and she is only 7 months old. I can't help but wonder what else this little girl will teach me in the next few years...
I know every mom thinks their child is special, and every child IS special in their own way, but this kid lights up a room!! (Envoking a momma's right to brag here;) )
U-Turn
Ok, after re-reading some of my previous blogs, I have decided that it has taken a unintentional negative turn. Well, that will stop today. I spend way to much time venting, and going over my random thoughts... For that, I will start a journal. This blog will focus on my sweet baby girl, and life in general from this point on.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Audrey's 1st Halloween
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